single dad -- can i afford the bay area? i am at a total loss here... i am 38 years old, single dad of 2. i make good money at my job by most standards, definitely above average. but as a single dad living in the bay area, i feel like i am practiy in poverty. i have chosen to stay with my mom and dad, because it allows me to provide the best living for my and raise them in a family atmosphere. not to mention they actually want me to live here, as they are in their 70's and the grandchildren are dear to them. however, the strain on me as an adult and a man has made this difficult to continue any longer. like any adult, i need my space to grow into my potential and its been pride swallowing. i'm looking at renting a place, but i ideally need a 3 br place with 2 , unless i am only going to be there a year or 2. rent ranges from $*** average for anything decent, $2500+ for anything good (i have a dog). after child support, saving for the , contributing something to my 401K, i barely make enough to live on or have a life if i'm going to spend 75% of everything i net on a mortgage/property tax/hoa on a measley $400K condo. meanwhile, she is re-married and they both work full-time -- yet i still have to pay them a significant amount of money, even though they own a house and have a dual income! i thought the law was supposed to be fair? did my attorney give me a bum deal? the amount i pay for child support is exactly i need to be able to live my life with any level of comfort and get some momentum back -- i would like to send my to college and retire one day. i have paid every dollar i was ever supposed to, and have paid it on time -- i have gone above and beyond, and even paid for more things than necessary since its for my . am i missing something here or is this my fate? how can i realistiy live in the bay area and invest in a future? anyone in the same boat and have some keys? rcl

im sorry much love to you. good luck!!!

Grim reality of living in the Bay Area

actually... i was just in downtown SD and saw some lofts starting in the high $200's... that sounded great to me! : )

Three suggestions: 1. If your child support is REALLY high, you might consider going back to court to ask for a reduction now that she is remarried. While they are your and your responsibility, we all know that living with a new spouse is MUCH cheaper. 2. I can understand why you want to move out. I think you should, but depending on how much time the actually spend with you, you may not need a 3 bedroom. I also live in the bay area (although I am moving away in a month) and the prices are ridiculous. Before my divorce we could live in a 1 bedroom in a so-so area comfortably (but with no frills) but it's been hard to afford that on just my salary. If you do get a place and the are just with you on weekends or evenings, I'd consider a 2 bedroom and I'd go in the "decent" range. Your circumstances may change... you may meet someone and remarry... you may get a higer paying job. One day your will be 18 and then it will be your choice what you pay (college, etc) not the courts. 3. The bay area is horribly expensive and obviously one suggestion would be to move (except that your live here so you can't.) Have you considered moving to a cheaper area that is farther inland? Not sure how that would work with wherever your work is located...

thanks for the advice solid advice on all... where are you moving to?

Sorry for your situation but Welcome to the world of single parenting-most often the one the women ends up with. Comfort yourself with the same thought that the women do, at least you know your child is worth the sacrifices.

true

It sounds like you got clobbered in court either due to bad representation or bad circumstances. The way the system works is - the more you see your the less support you will pay (and vice versa). Having said that, it sounds like you got a very low amount of visitation and got a high support order against you. You need to seek new/better legal counsel then to get your visitation up and the support down. You aren't going to get a lot of sympathy about living in a condo from the people in this forum. You owning a condo is a sign that you do have access to money and that your central problem then is to manage it. If you want to talk in private, email me and we can go from there.

sure are you an attorney?

Re: sure Not yet. But you didn't sound like you were looking only for the advice of an attorney in the original post. And I'm not trying to get spammed on here (for soliciting). If you don't believe what I've told you - go talk with sfatty. He's usually on this board and his advice is pretty novel.

sorry sorry, i wasn't implying you should be one, was just curious if you were. if you send me your email, we can chat offline. thanks. rcl

Living in the bay The price for rent is rather high in the bay area, unfortunately, that is the price you pay for the area you chose to live in. My ex is considering moving from the bay area to the central valley cause of the rent. Yes it is a drive for you and the gas is astronomical, You need to make your choice wisely, do you want to continue to live with mom and dad to save some money or do you want to live in apt. I chose to live over an hour away from my ex because he has caused too many problems for me. The other thing that needs to be understood is that it does not matter what the step-parents income is. The step-parent could very easily tell the biological parent that he/she is not going to aid in the support of the children that are living with them. Often times Judges don't care because they realize that there are step-parents out there like that. It is the father and mother of the children to provide the necessities of life for there .

in the short long run Seems like living in a great location is important, so I actually suggest you stay living with your parents. If you children are happy and healthy there, that is important too. Maybe you can find an alternate method to meet your social and sexual needs. Sex clubs, etc. Socially, if you date, you can choose to rent a room at a nice hotel on the weekend, still less expensive that renting a minimally acceptable apartment. Also, really, a woman would not want to go back to your apartment. If you are truly fortunate to find a woman that you want to commit to a relationship with, then cohabitation could make a better place more affordable. Sound a little whacky, but I think this is just he world we live in.

Bay Area Single Dad If the are with you x% or more of the time then there should be not child support. Also, in California, from my experience some time ago, x% of the new mates income is calculated as part of your ex's income for the determination of the childsupport amount. Other items that should be considered are child care, health insurance. You can revisit the childsupport issue without an attorney. But you will have to go to court. I believe the courts will consider the taxes, insurance and mortgage as an expense not an asset. With you not having those expendures, that maybe why childsupport is the way it is. If you get those same expendures, childsupport may get changed. My ex took me to court to get childsupport lowered and the judge increased the amount. It was still low for three . I did not ask for more. It is a mute point, I haven't gotten childsupport for x years. I'm glad to hear you are involved in your life. Superior Court does provide individuals to help you fill out the paper work correctly. Judges are very good these days about people going to court with out attorneys. I have witnessed those without attorneys do better in court than those with attorneys.

the real % i have them x% of the time according to the agreement, but have them at least x% of the time in actuality. i take them whenever i can, since i value that the most. however, my ex-w looks at it as her giving me the privilege, so my fear of trying to adjust this, is her responding my taking away that "privilege". sorry to hear about your ex... that is really bad.