Honeymoon baby ruined relationship? Hi there, my husband and I were married June x and I got pregnant on our honeymoon - welcomed our baby boy the next spring and our relationship has (to me) seemed to be completely dead. We have sex every couple of months and I can't, no matter what, seem to get him interested in it. He spends most of his time on the computer (video games) after our son goes to bed. We never really have any conversations anymore unless it's about our son or bills. He comes to bed a few hours after I do and if I'm still awake just talks on and on about our son. I am very happy that he loves our son and all but I feel like he hasn't got any "feelings" for me anymore. He doesn't act particularly negative or anything to me, just doesn't have any interest in sex or even giving me a kiss or hug. I don't know what to do. I have tried EVERYTHING I can think of to talk to him about the fact that we're never intimate anymore and he just gets upset about it. Since our wedding he's gained a few pounds (nothing extreme, though) and is now the sole provider for our family. I understand that he has extra stress, but I think there's something else going on that I just can't get out of him. I don't for a seond think theres something physiy wrong with me - I look amazing for just having a kid. I weigh less than I did before I had him. I even tried getting all "dolled up" and walking around in sexy lingerie a month or so ago to "entice" him, but he BLATANTLY ignored me. After that night, I give up. I really could use some advice. Anyone ever been in this position? He's the love of my life and I don't even want to mutter the word "divorce" but I can't imagine being in this relationship like this for the rest of my life. I could go on and on but I'll stop here. Please, someone give me some advice!!!

Ask him! Do you think you can sit down and have an open and honest talk to him about it? Seems obvious, but I bet he wants some of the same things that you do, and for some reason feels disconnected.

First, good news is, it's not uncommon. There's a higher number of "guy or girl is uninterested in sex after the baby" cases than you might suspect. Children can change how people view one another, as objects, as partners, etc. In your case, the real culprit is communication. He hasn't made it clear to you why he's disinterested, and it sounds as if you really haven't communicated your frustrations openly with him, either. So the communication needs to be fixed. If you can't do it on your own as a couple, then see about getting a counselor, psychologist, or sex therapist is what you need to explore ... some kind of expert who has seen this kind of situation before and can help you avoid the usual pitfalls and accelerate the recovery process.

haha, i was execting that answer :) We sat down a couple of weeks ago and had a chat - and I don't feel like he really said anything that would explain it. And it certainly didn't help clear anything up. And yes, I LISTENED. I guess I wish someone could just tell me why. I really don't even think he pleasures himself, which honestly scares me more. Unless he's doing it in the shower in the morning. Is it possible that he could just be completely dead inside? !!!

You're asking a nameless forum on the internet. I recommend you upgrade the "ask an internet forum" package to the premium "ask a qualified professional" plan. You'll find it has many benefits, including years of experience and a comfortable doctor's sofa or chair to sit in. Take it to a professional. Sooner the better.

yeah, well money, time and babysitter issues are all on the front burner. I like real life experience answers, anyway.

excuses, excuses. there are low-cost and sliding scale counselors out there. and time and babysitter issues melt away once you decide that keeping your marriage happy (only in part to benefit your child) is a priority.

he's always been "the quiet kid". Very stable as far as emotions go. I've never seen him super happy or super pissed, or super sad. He's flat line in the emotions department. I wouldn't say he's depressed, though. Not at all. He spends his days working on computers and comes home and is either glued to the TV or his computer screen. I guess I just don't understand. I cook for him, I clean up after him, I keep myself looking nice and I try to have sex with him. Am I missing something? Am I not doing something? PS. Please stop telling me to see a counselor. I'm an intelligent woman and I realize that is the best option but if I wanted to pursue that I would have done it already. I'm on here looking for answers from people who are or have been in similar situations.

Hmmm, interesting Yes, going to a counselor is pretty scary, but if things don't improve what are you going to do? Your resistance in seeking professional help speaks volumes.

sorry, sometimes counseling is right answer. but in the meantime, you might try googling "madonna-whore complex" and see if anything rings a bell. some guys get seriously weirded out by trying to get sexual with someone they perceive as a mother figure. how long were you together before the wedding, and how was the sex then? is there any chance he is closeted or kinda asexual generally?

My advice is to first talk to him to find out what's going on and get yourself a little something to pleasure yourself until he gets in the mood again.

Some marry and see the new family just like the family he grew up in. You are the momma and he is the daddy. Conceptually, you are also his momma, and ya don't fuck your momma. And he may wall have grown up with a momma and daddy that didn't fuck. That's just a possibility, I dunno...

Talk to him about his porn addiction. No, seriously... I got $x that he's jacking off after you go to bed, very very often. When you were "walking around" in lingerie did you try any bold moves? Such as going down on him? You described a man carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I think what he's feeling is pretty normal. The baby will grow and the relationship will evolve. Begin improving your communication immediately, or the communication will only decline. You must get the thought out of your head that the baby is to blame, or it will subconsciously cause strife between you and the child. Take the blame on yourself for not going back to work after having a child, take the blame for allowing communication to die off, take the blame for enabling a video game/porn addiction. Anything is better in your head than blaming the baby.

PLENTY TO DO PRINCESS Stress, stress, stress. Time to really grow up! The work is hard and sometimes NO fun. It's also ed being an adult. Sex was fun until you realized how much work there is growing babies. You made your boat and sailed it. You got some leaks and it won't be easy to fix now. STOP LOOKING AT HIM AND WORK ON YOURSELF. YOU GOT PLENTY TO DO PRINCESS.

damn damn damn for the first time I must say and admit, that was supposed to be a fawking NEGATIVE five. Did you really ask if your baby ruined your relationship? No, maybe your IQ.

Sounds about right.... I wouldn't want to get you pregnant again, either.

phrase it better next time seriously. WE may get that but if you ever phrase it like you did here then your son will be fucked up for life. How hard is it to reword shit? "Can you overcome the stress of marriage and family?" "Can you give me some tips on spicing up my married life after having a baby?" Sorry, but people will always be on the "kids" side and your wording was horrid. Just saying, you don't want to ever word it this way infront of your LO.