PA Custody- How long can this go on? I have been divorced for almost x years. I have primary custody of both my children. They attend school in the neighborhood where I live. My ex lives close to an hour away. He gets the boys every other weekend during the school year and half time in the summer. Almost every year for the past x years he has filed against me for primary custody. He wants the kids to go to school where he lives. He has tried many different angles to gain primary custody. One time it was because I switched jobs, the next it was because I moved into a different house, then it was because a two year relationship I was in ended. He is extremely litigious (as my lawyer puts it). Now he is seeking a change once again. No idea what the reason is this time. Every time he has tried to gain primary custody it has remained with me. My question... how long can this go on? How many times can he file petitions, take me to cour? We have done it all... mediation, custody conciliation, court, had a custody evaluation, parent coordination. It is costing a fortune and he just doesn't quit. I am getting remarried, having a baby. I'm not working because I lost my job halfway through my pregnancy and my fiance and I decided that I would just stay home which is better for the kids anyway. I am always here for my kids. I volunteer at both their schools; in the classroom and the PTO. I drive them to and from school everyday. I attend every event, school play, sports game etc. etc. etc. He doesn't make it to even half of the kids events and his excuse is that he always has to work or it costs too much money to keep driving back and forth. I am sick of him taking me to court. Is anyone else in this situation with an ex? What are the chances that he could possibly win primary custody? I just need to be reassured that this is going to end.

I'm sorry to hear that a stranger is trying to take away "YOUR" kids. Maybe he wants more time with them.

Bravo!!

You are screwed Have you tried going on a diet?

OH, and don't take what axexpat and marenmoo say. They're irritating when your looking for answers. But dam funny once you get to know them. Funny Looking anyway

offer x-x, maybe he'll end all the nonsense

The only way x/x would work is if he moved closer, or they both moved to the same town. If he's having issues driving to their games, clearly he will not want to drive back and forth twice a week to exchange the kids... plus they have to attend school...

Who moved away? I agree that closer would be easier.

She can't put his needs over the childrens. and a stay at home mom can get the kids to school, pick them up, take them to after school functions and practices... do all the things that make a kid's life normal as opposed to some chaotic mess that is only for the parent's benefit. At some point the dad will stop trying to mess up the child's life just to get back at his X and realize that the current situation is probably the absolute best of all world's for the child.

read the turmoil she has been putting everyone through. It doesn't sound like she is putting the childrens' needs first. Fathers know best. (well, most Fathers). It's all about common sense.

He is making all of the turmoil. She is loving environment. He is making everyone's lives crazy just because it's the only control he has left over her. Eventually the courts should just tell him that every time he takes her to court and a change is not founded, he'll have to pay all court costs. He's completely selfish.

selfish? any parent has rights to file for changes of custody. If this is a true story, I do believe that a person can file too much, but why not do x-x shared parenting? A parent is a parent no matter how you slice it. Mom, Dad, doesn't matter as long as their both parents.

x/x is not good for the majority of kids - it arrangement that asks the kids to sacrifice their stability and normalcy for their parents' need to feel like life is fair and they are getting their needs to parent met. The studies support shared parenting, but not x/x. And, he does have a "right" to file, but that doesn't mean it's not completely selfish.

I don't really know the answer But it could go on until the children are grown or until the courts get tired of him bringing you to court all the time. I have heard of judges getting irritated for people wasting their time over and over again. Does he have to pay your lawyer fees everytime you go up against him in court? If not, I would make that the bigger issue in court. Thats ridiculous! And you have previous court records for proof.

reverse the situation if he had primary custody, at what point would you give up on your kids? how much would be enough just to 'let it go'? his "EXCUSE" that he lives an hour away, and he's (presumably) paying CS, so cant afford to just skip work and go see the kids play, is quite valid IMO. you seem to be able to afford to just quit work on a whim, since all your bills are seemling taken care of... he can continue to file as much as he wants, as long as he wants, and for whatever reason he wants! it's a bitch, aint it? if my X had custody, and in x years was with x different guys, is now pregnant and GETTING married, i'd be doing a LOT more than your X. i dont want my son raised to believe that relationships are disposable, and women are whores.

But listen to jester He almost always has good advice. Good post buddy.

little angry though :( feel for the kids

yeah, I'm a little surprised that a judge at some point has not suggested that they move closer and SHARE custody! Sheesh!

Why is it so hard to believe a Man wants to be a Father?

He is a father. He has the kids half of the of the summers.

Here is a good x The ex is supporting you to stay home. Lazy BITCH. I'm sorry to put it that way. Why should he have to work and never see his children also. I would also fight.It is known that if you can stay home he is paying you to much. that makes the stereo type women are like horses they get barn sower to like to leave the house also!

Her new husband makes good money and have a stay at home mom. Who wouldn't? It's far better for the children. Being a stay at home mom is far from lazy and certainly doesn't make her a bitch. I've done both. I work full time now (and did for years before having kids) and I stayed home... I definitely thought that staying home was just as hard as working full time (though far more rewarding).

My point is this: How would this sound from the exes point of view: My wife and I divorced five years ago. She took the kids and moved out of town, approximately an hour drive from me. I am paying child support and alimony to her, and trying to get on with life. Because my ex doesn't work, I am paying over $x per month in child support, and $x a month in spousal support. So, I have to take all of the overtime I can, and have even started working weekends when possible, just to make ends meet. I would like to do more for my kids, but because of my work schedule I am not able to attend school functions, or be there for my kids the way I want. My ex has had a string of bad relationships with men of questionable character. These guys have permanently scarred my kids, to the point that I want them to primarily live with me. I would do anything to have them back, and I am sick without them. What would you recommend I do? Can you see things from the other side? Maybe he isn't as unreasonable as you think.

Not quite.... He does not pay over $x a month in child support. He should be but he doesn't because I voluntarily dropped it down. He pays no alimony because I didn't want any. He works no overtime. His overtime is golfing with his clients. He earns a x figure income that used to be $x,x a year but because of the economy is now $x,x a year and he wants everyone to feel sorry for him because he is having trouble keeping up with the standard of living he has become accustomed to. Neither my past relationship or my current one are with men of "questionable character." They both really cared for my kids but the first guy was a nurse and he traveled and decided to take a job across the country.. it was unfortunate but I just couldn't go with him. And we NEVER lived together and he did NOT spend the night at my house when the kids were with me. My current relationship is with someone I have known for a very long time and we fell in love and he is the best guy I have ever known. My ex has no family where he lives... his family is across the state in his hometown which is almost x hours away. I did move back to my hometown, an hour away from our marital residence because ALL of my family lives there as well as lifelong friends and I knew my children and I would have the support i would need to go through divorce and be a single mother. He cheated on me and was a control freak who was verbally abusive and I was tired of it. I didn't want my children to grow up in that environment. And yes we did try counseling... didn't work. I eventually ended up with a PFA against him because he threatened me. When my children started school he planned on giving up his residence an hour away and moving to my hometown which scared the shit out of me because of his past behavior towards me, so he could be closer to the kids and be more involved but he never did. He isn't a terrible father and I do believe he loves his children. If he lived closer x/x would be fine but he doesn't so that won't work and I would never give him primary custody because our custody evaluator said in his report that he would be less likely to foster a relationship between the kids and myself. I on the other hand go above and beyond to foster a relationship between him and the children.

I think the courts make alimony so much the dads cant fight. You have to work all the time, when do you have the time or money to fight? Im so sorry! I say do whatever you can to move next door to the jerk and your babies, kiss her booty so bad it makes you want to hurl to where she may use you as a babysitter when poss. These kids need a good role model. Best of luck, my heart goes out to you!

If she's remarried, she isn't receiving alimony.

This one is so easy! Give him the kids! You said yourself you are getting married, having a new baby? Im sure you are giving your children x% of the attention they need!! They are from a broken home that is always in court? Im sure the courting of you and your new man and getting knocked up out of wed lock is a great environment for the kids! I cant believe you actually confessed that without thinking its bad??!! You are starting a new life let them have their father that actually wants them.

Are you for real? What would make you think that I wouldn't want my own children? Who cares if I am getting married and having a new baby? What does that even have to do with anything? I do give my children all of my attention. They are excited about the arrival of their new sibling. We have a nice home in a nice "family-oriented" community. We ARE a family. My children are the happiest they have ever been and my fiance truly cares for both of them and is an amazing person. Neither of us would EVER sacrifice the children I already have just because a new child is being born. And by the way.. its x, people have children out of wedlock all the time. Who says you have to be married to have a child? I'm not getting any younger and neither is my fiance. He has no children of his own and we both wanted to have a child together because we love each other.. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Check out the stats for teenage pregnancy and drug abuse amongst kids. You can check off about everything that you are doing on the checklist. Divorced, Fighting W/father, dating, not being in the home, getting knocked up before marriage. Who cares what year it is!! Wrong is wrong! Dont be mad at us because you are a lousy role model. I had a career too!! I missed it for about a Month, now I dread my babies growing up and not being able to be a Mommy. But you see, My Husband and I talked about what we wanted before we got married. He said he wanted a woman who wants to be a real Mother. I would not have married him if I wasnt in it x%! Im not divorced or even close to it. Let him be a Dad, move closer, whatever! You cant tell me you will have enough time for your kids. And dont EVEN turn them into baby sitters!! That is the lowest!