Males, your opinions are needed So, for a while now I have been stuck wondering "wtf," so to speak. I am a x year old female, completely straight, out-going, relatively funny, sports enthusiast, intelligent, creative, and overall well rounded. As far as looks go, I'm not thin, but I'm not a cow. I guess you could say that I have some fat, but its not like "OH DAMN!" for my body type or height. I AM a tomboy. There is no doubting that. I don't do girls clothes; I am just not comfortable in them. At all. I stick to jeans, [girls] button down shirts, t-shirts, and sweaters... hoodies for schlepping it. Now, here is the question I have - what the hell?! Do guys just not go for tomboys? Or is it that I'm over weight? I've been trying to figure this out for quite some time...and I just don't get it. I have a lot to offer and one would think in a city of x million people, around half of them men... I may be able to find ONE. Any advice?

lose the hood.hair is everything plus just how big are (dress size?-if you were to wear one)

not a guy, but here goes I know plenty of "tom boys" that get guys. I know plenty of overweight girls that get guys. ...But I don't know a girl that falls into BOTH categories that has en easy time in the romance department. Think about it. Two major things about your appearance send the message "I don't give a crap". First of all, If you are going on the assumption that girly clothes are not comfortable, then maybe you are having flashbacks to when you were eight and your mom stuffed you into a frilly, lacy dress and some uncomfortable shoes. I dress like a lady every day for work and never feel physiy uncomfortable, it's all about the fit. If it's more of a mental thing, you need to give yourself permission to see yourself as a woman. This may be difficult for you if all you can see yourself as is "overweight" or if you think dressling like a woman will draw attention to your flaws (watch "What Not to Wear" on TLC - the hosts can be brutal, but they have good tips and it always turns out well in the end). How about your hair and makeup? Ponytails also say "i don't care" but don't think that nice hair takes a long time. I have a great haircut that allows me to hop out of the shower, comb it, and blow it dry. I do not curl it or use hair products, but it still looks good. Same with makeup. You don't have to over-do it. A little mascara and lip gloss go a long way.

concur,accept for ... the ponytail thing.most men love women with ponytails.its the cheerleader fantasy thing.stick a ponytail out the back of thin tennis style ballcap and we are good to go

wicked short hair? wear hoods ,don't like dresses ,please don't tell me that rosie odonnel is your idol and that mellissa ethridge is your favorite singer too?maybe you might just need to come out already

i believed you from the start but you asked what's wrong and , well the truth of society's expectations does hurt us as idividuals sometimes(say what?)simpler terms, i did not mean to hurt your feelings.but if you can't make some changes then the same rusluts will keep repeating t

Get professional help... from a stylist, salon, TLC TV show, whatever, on how to grow your hair out in a way that looks good to you. Maybe use one of those "short in back long bangs" cuts for a while. Men will have you categorized in a fraction of a second as "dyke" forcing you to crawl out of that hole every time you meet someone new otherwise. I understand hair is a very important personal choice. I had to cut mine after college or face joblessness, and that still hurts me x years later. It's not fair, but you are dealing with the results of your choice of hairstyle and you CAN fix it if you find the results unpleasant.

Perfectly Said

this might hurt a little bit your what one would bbw.most men like women to be size x-x. but we marry size x and watch them grow into x-x.then divorce them when they reach size x.over weight women who dress like a guy will be taken as a lesbian.try to lose some weight (its not easy-forget diet plans- just eat less move around more)dress a little more girly nicer jeans or blouses,you don't have have to go too far out of your comfort zone.plus you may have to settle older men who have moved on fro the size x stage

depends. Saying that men go for a x/x depends on the height of the woman, wouldn't you think? A size x/x is a pretty rotund figure for a woman who is say x feet tall, and x/x would look like anorexia on a woman, say, x'x. You can go with a one dress size is best for all women mentality.

not true Height/weight relation has much more to do with your body frame and how you carry your weight than sizes. I have a medium frame and am only x feet tall. I've basiy been every size in the book and know that at size x/x i'm pretty tiny but at x/x/x i'm still average. Also, even though i'm only x'x. When i was a x/x i still weighed xlbs. It just depends a lot from person to person. Clothing sizes are not a good indicator.

Clothing size is a crappy indicator I am almost x' and have been told many times I should be a model. I'm fit, athletic, but I wear a size x/x after kids (was a x before, your hips spread for obvious reasons). So is that a turn off to a man to hear that a woman is a x/x? It's not even possible for me to be a x, ever...maybe when I was in elementary school. My legs are too long for those anyway. I hate that weight loss commerical with that woman in the red dress who says "I had a baby, gained some weight, and now I'm a size TWO!" It just further drives it into young people's heads that anything above a x is unattractive and bad bad bad.

without a pic dress size is as good a way as any to tell if a women is overweight.any women wearing a size x -x is huge unless she is x'x" or taller.besides women still by same size dresses as some taller women only in pettitte section (shorter and adjusted waist on the dress)Remind me to watch more football and shop wtih the wife less

actually you should probably shop with her more because nothing you said made any sense. A woman could be x'x xlbs (which is in the healthy range for that height) but could have wider set hips for example. Doesn't mean she's fat at all but her body shape/structure could mean she wears a x when no one would ever her overweight. Also, a size x could have a huge ass and face. You never know is all i'm saying. And if you weren't a man you wouldn't generalize the way you are about this.

That's a crappy generalization. You have no idea

Yup, x-x is definitely bbw While the truth does hurt, I would probably assume a bbw dressed like a tom boy was a lesbian too. I mean, there really are many of them. Some of them are very nice, and I do know them personally - but I'm not in any way attracted to them.

do you mind body art? There is a half decent guy on the list having the same issue as you are......maybe the two of you can hook up!!

no go--he's in charleston, won't move north

so what is the problem? problem meeting guys? getting dates? having good dates? getting a relationship going? staying in a relationship?

the problem is meeting guys really who even seem remotely interested. oh and interested in something more long term than f-buddies at least.

well...i can't say for sure but... If you are acting tom-boyish you may be giving off the air that you are not interested in long-term things. If you are acting "like one of the guys", maybe other guys are assuming you are thinking like them and assuming that it's okay to have sex with you and not worry about a major commitment. Meanwhile, you're getting deeper into things feeling-wise, but you want to maintain your tomboy-ness so you also don't really say anything about what you're really feeling. So think about what kind of conversations you have with these guys about your interest in relationships. Regarding your clothes, I would echo what some other people suggest. I like a girl who shows that she wants to look good. This can mean different things. Doesn't have to mean make-up, push-up bra, and hairspray...but it should look like more than rolling out of bed.

so are you saying you are finding the occasional f buddy?

Sexual attraction Whether you want to believe it or not, the hotter you dress, the more you will be noticed. Getting noticed is the xst basic step; then the hellos, then possibly the xst date. But you have to get noticed. I know there is another logic, which says you can dress any way you want and if he likes you he likes you. But to get to the point to where he will say hello, you have to xst attract him. Good luck..

guys need obvious cues I'm not a guy. But I sure do notice that guys go for women who give them 'permission' ... permission to enter, to ask them out, to be clueless guys, etc. Successful women give plenty of cues and lots of positive reinforcement. Guys need support from you to step up and 'enter.' They need visual cues. They need all the support, encouragement they can get. And I don't mean that in any belittling way. Men have the awkard task of asking women out and they often have no cue about how to deal with women - our emotions, all the subtle communications and how we pull back when they don't get it. Yeah, I know there are women who ask men out. But it works best when the man is interested and initiates dating. That's my $.x.

I second that If it's not in our face- -we seldom see it. LOL!

Some suggestions "Tomboy" clothing gives you less leeway on weight, depending on what you mean by that, you might be able to switch out to something you like but less manly. Guys I talk to (I am a guy) all seem to really like the button shirt that has the seams that form to curves a lot. Try one of those. Or maybe switch to the "goth chick" type cloths, they are tom-boy-ish but aren't confusing to guys. Dress also is a big hint on your availability. Dressing up a bit more than the occasion s for might help (even if it's not a fancy event, like grocery shopping), or use makeup, fancy hair, or perfume. Basiy if a man notices you did something extra he thinks "hey, she's done extra, maybe she is available!" Otherwise, a man (at least a polite one) is going to read the signals you are sending as "back off buster!" and heed them by not paying attention to you. Especially with short hair, that means "dyke that will kick you in the nuts" to a lot of guys. (Sad, but true.) Also, you gotta get out and flirt a bit. Pick someone you like physiy, mentally, or acquaintance you know and engage them. (It doesn't matter how.) That way you can express you are available indirectly, and get their attention. There are tons and tons of men of the geekier flavor out there that just don't swing by and try to pick women up, you will lose opportunities with them if you don't do a bit of initiating the interacting. Even if they like you and think you would be totally datable, they won't initiate anything unless they are the totally clueless type because they listened to their moms and older sisters saying that is rude. (Ok, now I am projecting. :) ) Make eye contact! I often find myself wondering "WTF why am I looking at this x years older than me average looking woman?" and realize it was she looked me directly in the eyes when we passed trying to make our salads at the salad bar.

Error: question not found. You assure us that you're funny, smart and creative, spend the rest of the post on looks, and wind up by implying that you haven't been able to find a guy. What you didn't tell us is where or how you've been looking. If I was in regular contact with you, I wouldn't be grading you on what you wear, I would be wondering if you were available and interesting. Are you in circumstances that put you in contact with guys you find interesting? What happens when you meet one?

totally agree , but then i am the

Dear Ms Retox, Around where I live, the image you describe says one thing. Lesbian. Now, please understand that it's rather the norm here. Our town's nickname is Dykeatur. Very blue-voting politiy.