What to do??? Ok, I have been married just over x year. Recently my husband said he is not into sex with me anymore. I did gain some weight but still look OK. I have been working out lately and want to get back into shape. He says he still loves me and wants to be married to me but has become very cold. He still makes love to me but it is not the same. Recently he has been contacting his ex-girlfriend who lives in another state. She sent him a text saying she thinks of him when she is lying in bed at night and then another of her breasts saying "Hi from the girls". his kids live in the same area as her and now he wants to go visit them "alone". This trip was planned but I was involved when it was-seems that now I am not. Of course I think he is going to visit her with the s and texts!! I have not confronted him on this but have said I want to go and he blew it off saying nothing is planned yet...should I just push the issue and go or confront him about the ex??? I am troubled as to where our relationship is going. Like I said he claims he does not want a divorce and wants to work it out but have not done anything it that direction. We have had so many "conversations" that it is hard for me to bring anything up anymore to hit yet another dead end. He has gone through "weirdness" before and I left him alone and he came through it but this is different from what he has said to me...it seems that I can not do anything to fix this. He is still nice to me and tells me he loves me and holds my hand. It is all very confusing and he says he does not know what he wants.....HELP!

He is pursuing He is the one ing her...he has ed her each time.

have you tried to spice thing up

This is what I think.... That is just NOT right. You should tell him what I told my husband since the begining of our relationship, if he is not interested in me, he should let me know, so he doesn't waste his time nor mine. I know it is kinda harsh, but it's the true. If he's been texting with her & planning to go see his ex by himself, you should tell him straight up what is going on. Remember that a relationship is based on trust. He's obviously having some kind of affair with the ex. If he really loves you he wouldn't do any of this shit. BTW, do you know why his previous relationship ended????

Spice, etc.. I do spice things up. We made love xx this week. It is just not the same and I guess he wants more or with someone else.... He broke up with his ex (who lives in a different state so I am not really worried about her) x year before I met him. I heard she was a total #itch and he had enough. I have not confronted him about the texts as then he will know I saw them. I saw the texts and that led me to watch the s, etc. He has been ing her. She sent him the two texts but he s her. My biggest concern is how he is feeling and what he is saying. he still says he loves me and wants to grow old with me but then turns and says he is not sure what he wants. It is all very confusing...I am not sure to give him time and space to work it out or if i should keep trying to "fix it".

Do I give him time and space??

a few things. so it sounds like couple's therapy might be really helpful. obviously he is not sure how he feels and if he has lost interest in sex with you, that is a problem for BOTH of you. next, it is not appropriate for him to be contacting his exgirlfriend and sending flirtatious texts or making flirty s or whatever. and there is no fucking way she should be sending pics of her body parts to him. he needs to set a firm boundary and end contact with her immediately. this is not how a faithful married man behaves, nor how a respectful partner behaves. if he refuses to set boundaries/end contact with the ex, then i'd say your marriage is in big trouble. although, it already sounds like it needs some real help.

Faithful married??? Is there such a thing as a faithful married man? I only ask as the more I have been talking to "guys" the more I hear about how unfaithful they are....it has really been both a shocker and an eye opener and I am in my x's.... We have talked about going to therapy and he knows something is wrong but then gets "tired of talking about it". He claims there is something wrong with him but I know that it takes two and there is something I am or am not doing as well.

um, yeah. marriage is a commitment. and one that for most people involves fidelity. my FH and i have been together for x years and have been loyal to each other. as we marry this summer we plan to continue being faithful. i don't know any male friends that have cheated on their wives or girlfriends. i assume that this is a value in your marriage as well. how well did you really know each other before marriage? did he propose? was marriage his idea? i'd give him an ultimatum--either he stops ing his ex or the marriage is over.

Marriage I must say that I thought the same way until I started having conversations with some friends and was shocked that they had cheated and even more shocked that they told me. Most saying it was a male "ego boost" of sorts. We knew each other x months before he proposed. The marriage was his idea and I asked him why he even wanted to get married if he felt this way. He claims he did not feel it at the time and had so mony reasons he wanted to marry me and went on to tell me them. He says he is just confused right now. Keep in mind this is a x yr old man....not a x or x something.

are you x, as your handle seems to indicate? if so, just GET OUT immediately. sounds like your husband proposed because he wanted a monopoly on a female he liked who was half his age, before she figured out she had lots of other choices, and now he's regretting it because he still wants to play the field.

She's in her x's

sounds like your friends married boys and not men if they need to go as far as cheating to get an "ego boost". for most of us, just getting some attention from members of the opposite sex are enough to make us feel good once in a while. also, i think x months is not long enough to really know if someone will be a good life partner. that's just my opinion, though.

I think he's cheating or about to start I agree with sphynx that he probably figured out that being married or with one woman forever isn't for him. Your husband sounds chillingly like my ex. I would insist that the contact with the ex stop. Clearly it's not platonic if she's sending him boob pictures. That crosses the line to where it's no longer "sure we can be friends" territory. I would ask him to come to counseling with me. If he's not willing to make any progress, then I'd start getting my house in order financially. Use a reliable birth control so you DON'T get pregnant with this turkey.

Age and Marriage We are both in our x's and he has been married before so he has been down this road and knows what it takes. (prev marriage x yrs) he ended it with his ex wife because of a number of reasons I believe becasue I met her and she is demanding and controlling. This is my first marraige.

Couple of things going on here. First, I think it's possible you're overreacting. This is your first marriage, so you might not be aware that a decrease in sex frequency and/or passion is normal. The lust/newness/excitement wears off, and you two settle into more of a routine. There will be periods of time it sizzles, and others when it fizzles. Ups and downs. Shame on him for saying he is "not into sex" with you anymore; but perhaps it's just temporary and will come back to him. Don't read too much into it, unless this continues for many months. Might just be that you need to be patient for awhile. Second, *something* is brewing with the ex - but it's not clear what - a plan to cheat and leave you, or get it out of his system once and for all and stay with you, or just clear the air and be done with her for good. It is clear that you can't do anything about it, whether you go with him on this trip or not. This is *his* issue that he's got to resolve himself, for better or worse. But if you make a big fuss about it and start a fight, he'll go anyway - and not with a lot of fondness about you who's staying at home. My thinking is this: If he's going to cheat, then make it so he's hammered with guilt when it happens - not send him off on this trip with a bad taste in his mouth about you. Hope this helps.

He thinks with his cock. That's bad news.

Yea, he's going to go fuck her. You might as well open up the marriage.... That is supposing you want to stay in it.