What's Wrong With Me?? My hubby and I have been married for 10 years. I was working when we met, and after our were born, we agreed I would stay home and do the housewife thing. Now I miss having a job outside the home. We don't need the money, but I'm just bored with the same stuff over and over. I was never a "Martha Stewart" type, but I was definately better than what I was raised with(my mom was a pig). Hubby constantly yelled because the house wasn't clean, dinner wasn't what he wanted, I wasn't giving him enough oral sex, etc. My self-esteem went through the toilet. Recently I was diagnosed with depression. I'm on anti-depressants, and when he yells, I find myself not really listening anymore. Also, he has threatened me with divorce many times so I will "straighten up my act", but has never gone through with it. I used to be afraid, but I'm not anymore. I'm almost 40, and the thought of trying to find a job scares me more than my husband leaving. Am I crazy??? What's wrong with me???

the only thing wrong with you is... the fact that you have put up with a loud mouthed, manipulative controlling shit head for ten years. it ok to be scarred, it's been a long time since you have been "out there" so to speak. i say get a make-over and some nice new clothes, then ask a friend or somebody to help you with an updated resume. then get a job, then tell your DH to knock off the yelling shit and to go with you to counseling. if that doesn't work...the next time he threatens divorce, with a smile on your face, tell him, OK, I WANT ONE TOO! then take the and leave his sorry ass!

nice typo if I'd been living with an asshole like that for ten years, I'd be emotionally "scarred" too. :) I agree with the rest of guy's advice.

nothing. nothing is wrong with you. he's verbally abusive and depression on your part is part and parcel with his behavior. when someone is always putting you down, you self esteem goes into the toilet. what skills do you have? how about going to a temp agency and taking some of their typing tests, etc and finding a part-time job that way? also, when he talks to you like that you need to say "Stop it." Then walk away and carry on with something else. Start setting boundaries with this guy and fight for your right to get a pt job if you want one.

What's wrong with you? Your asshole husband is what's wrong with you. Listen, don't let him hold the "I'm gonna divorce you" shit over your head. He's beating you down and screwing with your self worth. That is NOT love. If something happens, you CAN get a job, and you WILL survive. Don't put up with the abuse!

Well depression drugs Will cut the edge off pretty much all your emotions. So that could be why you are feeling different. It seems to me that despite the job thing, you'd be better off without the bum. He sounds pretty abusive.

You just need to stand on your own 2 feet Depression is unresolved anger. You are angry that you have no voice, that you cannot resolve issues and that your husband treats you like sh%t. First is to find a marriage counselor and see if you can remedy things. Second go find a part time job so you can still parent the and find something that will give you satisfaction of a job well done. If you jump into a full time job you will feel like you are failing your and failing in your job. Third, get individual counseling also. Fourth, find a hobby, sport, fitness center, anything that will give you one night a week out doing something with people. When you are a full time parent sometimes you sequester yourself from society and when you do that everything that happens in the home is over emphasized because it's the only world you know of. Find your voice and use it.

I agree with most of your post but I think it is dangerous to say "Depression is...(fill in the blank)" It is too complicated an illness to be one thing for anybody.

Some advice. Your boredom at home and depression could be a reinforcing spiral. A lot of people get depressed when they're always at home. Here's what I would try: - I assume if you're already on anti-depressants, you've been in counseling as well. If you're not currently going, get back in, with the focus being your relationship with your husband. - Go online and find the closest community college. Most will have re-entry programs geared specifiy for people who have been out of the workforce. Their internship/work co-op departments are also great resources for finding part- and full-time jobs. Start with taking a class or two - possibly computer related, or just something that interests you. Fees are very reasonable and a variety of times are offered. - Sit down with your husband and come up with a schedule for the house. Maybe Friday is your cleaning day, and he can expect the house to be in top shape when he gets home. Otherwise, it'll be generally picked up with the day's dishes done...whatever, just get on the same page with a minimally expected standard. That's not too much to ask - if you were out in the workforce, you'd be expected to meet some basic criteria as well and he's out working all day, presumably. - Get out and get active. If you have a gym, go. If not, try Meetup.com. Find a weekly activity that interests you - coffee with other local ladies, short hikes, a lunch group, biking, doesn't matter. Just GO. Once a week. It will get you out of the house and expand your social circle. That's a great depression-lifter. There's nothing wrong with you. You're depressed and your husband's expectations and communication style needs to be adjusted, or else you'll need to find a job to go out on your own. Them's the facts. Now, what are you going to do about it?

Why not get a job while the are in school?

no wonder you are depressed I think you need to become the next award winning actress for the oscar. bite your tongue. go back to school or get a job. build your skills, and then leave him in your own terms. plan not to get dumped with depression and no job. also, while you are at it. read "Doll House" by Ibsen. a woman should use the jerk husband, when she can see there is no future. my theory!

i meant learn how to pretend until u r ready to leave him?

i liked your post a lot she shouldn't give an emotional abuser the battle plan. that will keep her down for x-x more years because he will cut her off at every pass.

Who knows? All we are hearing is a one side story and a bunch of women giving shitty advice. Are they going to pay your bills if you bail? Maybe he has reason to be pissed at you? Do you keep the house clean? Are you doing you're part? For him to give you the opportunity to stay home, and help raise a family, you should be grateful. You are living a retired care free life! And your depressed about it? wtf! Count your blessings. Suck his dick everyday. The house cant take more then x hours total to clean. Talk to your man! Another women will fill your spot quicker then shit. Most likely one of your friends.

maybe we shall give u his email you sound like his ideal woman or man.

AH YES, so easy to be abusive on an anonymous forum, now, isn't it? I'm sorry your panties are in a bunch over this. Obviously, it struck a nerve. Did you not suck your man's d*ck enough and have now lived to regret it? Just curious about the perils that may await... And what do you have against women giving sh*tty advice? Would it make you feel any better if it were a bunch of men giving "sh*tty" advice? Or is it specifiy when women give it that you get all hot and bothered? Of course it's one side of the story. EVERYTHING HERE IS ONE SIDE OF THE STORY. It's the nature of the beast, so get over it. Being a stay-at-home wife and mother is HARDLY a "retired care free life". Even less so when one is struggling with an illness such as depression, which can be debilitating even on the best of days and can affect even those people without tragedy in their life. God help those whom a tragic circumstance may also have befallen. As for paying the bills, much of the advice here centered on her getting education or job retraining to give her the confidence and skills she needs to re-enter the workforce and stand on her own two feet, should it come to that. Where's the self respect in staying in a crappy relationship that makes you feel like crap day in and day out, only because "he pays my bills"? When he pays the bills by the hour, it's ed a prostitute. When he pays them by the month, it's ed a wife? Furthermore, OP's husband is certainly not doing his part in this relationship, as evidenced by his crass criticisms that do absolutely nothing to facilitate the changes which he so crudely enumerates. No wonder she's depressed. She married an assh*le who tells her she can do nothing right!! And if another woman fills her spot, God help that woman. Any friend that would do it isn't worth the time it takes to type the word "friend".

that was damn inspiring!

maybe you could take her place and suck her husband's dick and be subject to his abuse.

The job market it scary... It's really really common to be intimidated by job hunting. Especially when you're re-entering it after many years, no matter what the circumstances. You are NOT alone. What I would suggest to you is that you see if there are any job clubs available in your area. In my city there are all sorts of programs available for unemployed and under employed people to have help figuring out what YOU need to do with the skills you have to get back into it. Having dealt with some depression myself, I know that the first step is always the hardest but it's SO worth it. Getting out there, and gaining some independence outside the home can be a powerful tool against depression as well. For that reason alone I think a part time job would be a great move. I'm going to refrain from commenting on your husband because it makes me so angry to hear about relationships like that. Suffice to say that as far as I'm concerned he's doing you a favor if he leaves.

boredom is what's wrong with you. it also doesn't help that your husband is an abusive asshole. i suggest enrolling in a community college somewhere and busying yourself with school. take classes and educate yourself. it never hurts to earn a degree that can benefit you in the long run. after earning a degree, get a job. alternatively, get some type of entry-level position. there must be businesses that are looking for receptionists in your area. apply for a job. work your way up the ladder. oh yeah, if your hubby continues to verbally abuse you, dump him (after you find a job, of course).

nothing wrong w/you. He's an emotional abuser tell him to stop yelling or you'll leave. Really, that sort of treatment is horrible and you don't deserve it. Take charge of your life and explain your zero tolerance re: yelling, control. Then get a job and leave the loser.