If you have /steps, do you think that YOUR relationship is a good model for them? Is your ex's? I have pondered this a lot, as one of the reasons I left my ex was because I hated the lessons we were teaching our young children about men, women, and relationships. Ex remarried quite quickly. He and his wife seem to have a happy enough marriage, although none of our mutual friends see it working out in the long run. I HAVE to root for them to work out in the long run, though, and I do see that ex seems to have made some big, big changes. I hope it continues to work. I fear, though, that their relationship is built a little too much on he as the big thinker/intellectual and she as the glamorous, somewhat passive wife. BF and I are, I think, giving a good example. We are respectful, cooperative, and argue fairly. Disagreements (which are rare, frankly) get resolved quickly and quietly, with neither side feeling taken advantage of (I believe). One place we do fall down, I think, is that BF is not as "family friendly" as I would like to see, but that is coming along at its own pace. In my old relationship, I was more passive and, frankly, cowed by the ex. I had to pretend to be something I wasn't, and he ALWAYS got his way. So: how bout you? Are you and your so modeling what you think is a good, healthy relationship? Would you be happy if your were in a relationship like yours?

God, Nellicat This is an excellent question. Because there are INDIVIDUAL traits and RELATIONSHIP traits, and these things mesh, making us real and our relationship real. For example: I am high-strung, SO is not. But he is very patient and accepting of this of me, which is what I would want in a man for either of the girls. Because no one is perfect, I would want the man to be accepting of and patient with those things that make the girls NOT perfect. When I have been a bitch or difficult and the are around, I apologize to their dad in front of them. This is something I want them to learn as well, that they are not always going to be right and humility and granting the other person importance is a virtue. I want them to see that real people can loses it sometimes, but that they must also take responsibility for it and make things right from their end. Does that make sense? Is our relationship exactly what I want as a model? No. But I DO want them to see that we try hard, and we work things out successfully, and that we love each other very much. This is the basic, anyhow.

Makes total sense. Everyone looses it and it's good that they see you correct your behavior. What may be a good thing for them to also see is you practicing self control. I'm sure they can tell when you are about to loose it. What if you practiced some calming exercises to use in these cases? I don't think any relationship really fits our "model" idea of an example for the children. Before we have , we have this picture perfect idea of how it is going to be. It's never like that lol. It's great that they see you two coming together to work things out though

Ha, I know what you mean I used to be more high strung, but later figured out it was only hurting me and those around me. Now, I usually look the toher way and go on with my merry self. But there are those times where I loose it.(Like if someone inhibits my children in some way, WATCH THE FUCK OUT! :) ) I'm as white as white could be and I turn red from everything! (Heat, alchohol, blushing, exercise, anger.. you name it, you can see the color change.) So, when I'm about to loose it, everyone gets a warning because my face will start turning crimson lol It's great that you guys are accepting of your faults and humbling to eachother

life takes funny turns Because compared to the parents we had, I think our relationship would be a wonderful example. We're not perfect (who is) but I think a kid would be lucky growing up in our house. And yet our conceptions were both whoopsies and when we tried to have it wouldn't happen. And even though our childhoods weren't ideal, overall, I'd be happy if our children (when we get them) turn out as well as we did.

not quite yet, but I'm getting there.

PDA and I agree that PDA in front of is healthy. For many reasons: So they don't have hangups about affection and love So they see healthy affection between adults and model that So they feel secure that you love each other We kiss in front of them, too, just quick pecks. The tongue swap stuff is out of the question, though. Just hand-holding, hugs and affectionate kisses.

Agree!

Isn't that fun? :) The , SO and I all wrestle together. (we do other things too, but wrestling is one of my favs) My younger son has the most infectious laugh in the world, you can't help but laugh when you hear him laugh.

Too bad we can't put voice recordings on here I love baby laughs. My phone ringer is actually a baby laughing :)

For a long time when my husband ed The ringer was my son saying "dada, dada, ball" He had just learned to say both of those words... ah but then I got a new phone and I can't make the blackberry ring like that :(

aww how cute ;)

my parents did a great job they were partners, they shared responsibility, they argued, they discussed, they made sure we were secure..... and when they came to visit me in portland a few summers ago I caught them holding hands as we walked down the beach..... and x years later my mom still nags my dad and my dad intentionally does little things to piss her off, its quite cute. I have never once questioned their committment to eachother, that is the best thing they provided us.

that must have been great to grow up with

so far so good. Both kids are in what appear to be stable LTRs. Son and DIL have been together x years, married last summer. Daughter and her fiance together about x years now, I think, bought a house together, marrying next summer. He's the SIL every dad would like to have--hard working, worships the ground she walks on, takes her hiking here there and everywhere, tags along with shining eyes wherever she goes. No other shoes dropping yet, still waiting, waiting...nothing yet.

Yes I think so.

I tend to go overboard because of my ex My ex is not real smart IMHO about who she brings into my x boys' lives. Example: Dating a dude who is the ex of her best friend (same woman who is the mother of my younger son's best friend) and a month later moving in with him. I on the other hand don't introduce them to anyone I date unles it turns into a committed relationship. There was a time in my life after my divorce that you could say I was a manwhore. I kept all of that shananagins away from my kids. I am now dating a woman who is the same way about who her daughter meets so it's good that we are on the same page. She met my boys after dating x months. I met her daughter at x months.

This is a tuff one to answer I'd have to say for me personally and my relationship it's a bit of yes and a bit of no... In my relationship I am more "aware" of my actions and try my best to think about how my actions will affect those around me. My husband and I choose to dicuss our serious issues in private. I'm not a fan of yelling or screaming at anyone and I don't agree with having arguments escalate to that level in front of our children or in public etc etc.... As far as my SO is concerned, there are times when he doesn't know how to control his anger, not so much what's directed towards me, just little things, like being stuck in traffic, or waiting on line at the store. These situations irritate him and even though I may try to calm him down, he's not able to understand how that type of behavior is a poor example for our kids. I certainly am trying to teach my children patience, can be difficult when one parent is more patient and calm then the other...

I think most kids get their ideas of marriage and relationships from their parents. And yeah, someone has to provide the positive image of relationships for them. But at the same time, I think that any relationship that's run it's course and is miserable is a lot less healthier for a child to remain in than is a "stay together for the kids" type of situation. My parents stayed together for the kids, and my ideas of relationships were very jaded. I think the way to be good role models in relationships for your children is to have happy healthy relationships. Not to remain miserable. The other things that come with good relationships they will learn on their own as they progress.

Happily for me & my SO . . . our neutered cats don't need or care about good LTR role models.