Honesty and starting over. Separated for about a year. Live in different states and having hard time finding someone to date. Mentally separated for x years but tried to stay together for the kids. Time to move on and seems no one bothers to even want to talk to me after the first contact and picture exchange. I have been up front each time but still it's hard on the self esteem when it happens. If your truly willing to give advice I'll be more than happy to accept it. I will send a pic and the info if you request it. Not looking for a date here but honest opinions. Thanks for the help.

This isn't a pick up joint where you send people pics, but a discussion forum where people come to discuss LTR and get advice and opinions. As far as your situation, am I reading correctly that you are separated but not divorced... as in still legally married? Or if you weren't married, still not completely untangled from your ex? You have to realize that to most people, that's a huge negative. Why should someone take a risk on dating you and getting to know you when you're still halfway tied to another person? It might be advisable to be completely "free" before looking for serious prospects. You'll scare all the serious ones away.

It's not you, personally It's your situation. You're still married, legally. And you've got baggage (kids AND an ex-wife). Ditch the legal connection to the wife, and your chances will double. You're not JUST looking for contacts online, are you? Hopefully you're living a busy life with plenty of social outlets (and no, I don't mean bars) and hobby-type activities? Because women are turned off by needy/desperate/must-find-someone-to-love-me vibes, and attracted to people who live happy and full lives.

The situation. I'm x miles from her and my kids. I have some social outlets but those are few and far between. I'm in a very rural area. I don't drink. Life is only as busy as I can make it since I'm retired. Yes it is still a legal marriage but for specific reasons. I will only tell that reason in a private email don't need the whole world knowing my business as far as that goes.

And yet you wonder... This is an anonymous forum, you know if you can't quite shout out your situation you keeping secrets as part of your game. Doesn't work very well, either does the justification, no matter how logical, to not finishing your divorce. It makes sense to you and that's about it. Advice..hell to me it's pretty easy, tell people who you are, let it ride. This is who I am, this is what I'm doing and I'm all good with it. No qualifications, no apology. Only problem is that you don't really mean it, you've got drama written all over you. A guy who for whatever the reason is x miles from his children and still married. Just like you don't want to tell it, most..just won't buy it.

Are you looking for women in your age group or younger? If younger, then the white hair will be a turnoff to most. If your own age group, the right woman won't give a damn about the color of your hair or lack of it.

age group I'm x and trying to stick to x - x years of age. Average height and build.

I still think your biggest hurdle is that "separated" title. No one's going to take you serious for any relationship until you lose the title. I don't care what your 'specific financial reasons' are - you either have to choose to remain separated and alone, or get yourself divorced so you can move on and find love again.

have to agree I won't look at men who are seperated... simply because it screams BAGGAGE even if it's not. The best thing is to meet women in real life instead of online. In real life, we're more forgiving.

how old are your kids?

ages x, x and x

so these are all things child support and your own cash can handle. I don't understand how supporting your kids means you NEED to stay married.. you can afford your kids all they need without a marriage..

To an extent. Let's just say that She refuses to work and I'm not gonna give her more of what little I do make. We have a financial agreement that the courts would screw up even if we agreed to divorce. So we decided to go this route.

so then these are the results Of that decision. you have two kids nearing the age of NO child support and one that will be there a while right?

I don't get it. Lots of people get divorced on their own terms. Divorce doesn't HAVE to mean a battle in court, with the requirement to meet the court's terms. If you're both in agreement, then why the hell don't you just hire an attorney to draw up the paperwork and get it filed? I've done it, WITH child custody and support involved (Ex and I set the rate, NOT the court). Piece of cake!

True She said if we go the divorce route she would make sure I would never have contact with my kids again. So I agreed to this so I could keep in contact with my kids.

ahhhhhhh so this is where the "BAGGAGE" comes in.. and this is why people weed you out.

ditto.

and your kids are almost adults... so why are you still holding on?

so what have you done for the courts to deny you your child?

What has she got on you that would enable her to never let you contact your kids again?

Nothing But she did it to her first husband. He never saw his kids or had any contact after their divorce.

Lemme just say I'm guessing if the youngest is x, then its been a very very long time since she did this to her first husband. Things have changed my man. I recommend consulting a lawyer before you just accept that your wife could do this, with no grounds for it.

then he didn't fight enough if you have done nothing wrong, nothing is impeding you from seeing your kids.. especially at age x and x

Impeding I know it's illegal and considered kidnapping but she would run across the border and that would be that. She has said it before. Even though she was born and raised here she has family in Mexico and they would cover for her. And she would think nothing of it.

she says that to manipulate you! you really fall for that?

And this is why women run Because if the ex can still manipulate him from x miles away, they know there is no future with him.

Does she actually have custody of the kids? I know even years ago, to take me to Mexico on family vacation my mom needed a notarized document from my father that she had permission to take me out of the country. I think she's playing you man. It's not as easy as you might think to take the kids out of the country.

Yes They are with her. It's nothing for a single adult to drive into Mexico with a minor and never get questioned. She used to take them to visit relatives. So that argument wont fly.