Been told that I'm too nice Over and over again, women have told me that I'm just too nice. Do some women want the asshole type of guy or what?

Sorry to say that I've met plenty of so-ed "adult females" who still pursue only assholes. One after another, all the while ignoring the good guys who come their way. To say these women are rare is incorrect. They may not quite be in the majority, but they pose a sizable minority. Whether they are happy or not is debatable; if indeed they are not happy, then why continue to take the same course? There are indeed people in the world who prefer being unhappy to having nothing to complain about. If you indeed do not know anyone like this, it only proves that people tend to associate with others of similar views - as the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together.

Nice is OK, but not Wussy Be confident not obedient Be a challenge not a pushover You do not need to be an asshole, but a woman wants a MAN. Women find wussy men to be creepy, boring and don’t respect them. Treat a woman as you would a bratty sister, her on her actions and challenge her. Good luck.

In other words, be an asshole. And you will get plenty of women. But it may not be worth the trouble, and they certainly won't be.

You're wrong. And you sound young, or at least very naive. The world isn't as fair as you'd like to paint it. Yes, it really is true that most (not all) women feel some attraction to assholes, and some women prefer them. This ,is one of those dirty little secrets that no one wants to admit to but that we all realize is true, at some level. People who claim that guys must be "wussy" if they are not having succes are simply going for easy (but wrong) answer. The dividing line is not nearly as clear-cut as you imagine it. The fact is that most guys who get passed over as "too nice" are not being "wussy" at all. They are simply good, decent human beings, who don't happen to conform to the "bad boy" stereotype that is so prevalent on TV and in movies, and constututes what many women think of when they say "be a man".

Let me get this straight - The "man" needs to play the part of the asshole (lead and do not follow - be confident in yourself and your life first) during the initial stage, but then once in a LTR he needs to follow (your words - "things are different"). Oh yeah, you have all of the answers.

bullshit. 1) It's entirely possible to lead and be confident without being an asshole. 2) It's also possible to allow a little more vulnerability and flexibility later, when actually in a relationship, than might be attractive on first meeting. And this applies for both men and women. Ever had a "TMI" (too much information) first date, where the person unloaded a ton of personal stuff on you, and made you just want to run for the hills for fear of what they might be like when they got comfortable? That same conversation six months along might be a touching proof of their trust.

I didn't say that. Go back and read what I ACTUALLY said, not your translation into Trollspeak.

Straightening it out (a little) If you think that: "Lead and do not follow - be confident in yourself and your life first" = asshole Then do you think the opposite is true? Follow and do not lead - be self-conscious and shy in life = nice guy. Is a self-conscious and shy guy attractive? I guess to some women that would be true. Everyone finds different qualities attractive. Today someone said to another person, “You are so lovely.” And the other person answered, “Because you are seeing yourself.” And of course, it caught the first person by surprise. Generally we see in others what we are ourselves. Once in a LTR "thing are different" because the dynamics of the relationship change and grow (or breaks up). The initial attraction is over and a deeper level is reached (or not). No, I only have the answers that are right for me, you have what is right for you. Be open and share, listen within and find your own truth.

Now that makes more sense. I should note, however, that there seems to be a presumption here that any problem must always lie with the guy. This isn't true. Try turning the issue around; do you know any women who got dumped because they were "too nice"? No? I thought not. This shows the essential flaw in this. Most of the time when someone gets labelled as "too nice", that's not the case at all, it's simply an excuse. The reality is that he's normal, and the problem is hers. But it's always easier to shift the blame to someone else.

Been told that I'm too nice Over and over again. That was the original posts problem. If he wants to fix the problem, he can only change himself. We cannot change others, only ourselves. If he is attracted to women who find him too nice, he needs to find a way to be attractive to them. This will open the doors to get to know the women he is attracted to. He may find that his view may change over time. The problem of incompatibility is not his or hers, it is neither gender. Men and women are defenitley different when it comes to attraction though. Discuss attraction with women, it is a great conversation opener and you will learn allot.

I've done just that. And what I've mostly learned is that most people are clueless, and very few have the courage to tell the truth. The OP's problem is not that he's too nice, it's that he keeps encountering women who are dishonest. Instead of telling him to change himself, he needs to be told to change who he approaches. Both more practical and more likely to succeed.

yeah, we get this at least once a week ;-)

Very true. Which demonstrates the prevalence of it.

Really. I wonder which problem we get the most. The 'women only like assholes' problem Or the 'my wife won't have sex with me' problem. Its a close race. I think i'm going to create a document to cut and paste from. Maybe there should be a FAQ for the LTR forum.

there is a FAQ for this forum (sort of)

you are finding the wrong women. Keep being yourself. Eventually, you will find a woman who is healthy enough to love a man who is good to her and a sweet person. And thanks, for being a nice guy. The world needs more of you.

^^^^^^Agree^^^^

the only time I have thought that about anyone and said it to them was if I saw them being taken advantage of

Three Problem with nice guys ... (x) Nice guys fuck nice. Some women like it a bit more nasty. (x) Nice guys make it difficult to be yourself when you are around them because you just can't be that nice. (x) Nice guys can be judgemental when you are not as nice as they are. But some women still like nice guys. So don't worry about it. Find a nice girl.

Three problems with nice guys (rebuttal) - (x) Nice guys fuck nice. Some women like it a bit more nasty. Yes, nasty ones. I'll pass. (x) Nice guys make it difficult to be yourself when you are around them because you just can't be that nice. I find this remark interesting - women have trouble being nice? That could explain it. (x) Nice guys can be judgemental when you are not as nice as they are. Sounds like another "women have trouble being nice" confirmation. Your list seems to follow the time honored female tradition of pointing the finger at the man (as you state - it is the nice guy's problem). It's is funny, but I would prefer people who are nice, humble, and have some sense of morality to those who have trouble being nice, think that they are God's gift to others, and use the word fuck to describe sex or making love.

my SO is too passive It drives me nuts, I (and I assume other women) want a man who will take charge occasionally and be assertive about his wants and needs. Perhaps you are a pushover, this could be very unattractive. I don't want an asshole (been there, done that) but I do want to have confidence in my SO that he will be honest, up front, and is not afraid to speak his mind. Just like with my friends, I expect my lover to be honest and put me in my place if necessary. Maybe you should work on being more comfortable with who you are, don't be afraid or hesitant to speak your opinions, and stand up for what you want.

Self-professed nice guys usually aren't. As a recovering nice guy I found that I'm more attractive now. I'm not afraid to speak my mind and not afraid to say that I don't like something or how I want something. At the same time, I find myself in more conflicts and more fights. I'm not as quick to apologize and much slower to relent. I feel better about myself because of it, and that shows through as attractiveness. I'm still a little klutzy with it, so sometimes I come across as major asshole when I'm not intending to be. Oh well. "nice" guys will apologize quickly, relent effortlessly, and try to please to get you to like them. Then they'll stew under the covers when she chooses someone else. That's real bad mojo, and as soon as you're finding yourself casting other men in the role of asshole, it's a clue that you're stewing and not nice.

Listen to what the women are telling you particularly since you've been told it over and over. These women are using the term 'nice guy' to describe you because they don't know any other nice way of putting it. What they are really meaning is that by 'TOO nice' is that you're a wimp. Women love nice guys that aren't wimps. If you get angry at what I am saying, and start really believing that women are only attracted to assholes, that means that you really do think women are some kind of masochists. THats is a very wrong way to think. You end up sounding like liliuminerspinas; who sounds like a potential rapist. Now, you may not be a wimp at all..but at least you are coming across that way. What is a wimp? That is someone who seems to lack self-confidence. Please think about the biology of the female human animal, which has been determined by millions of years of evolutionary conditions. Biology/chemistry will determine who a woman is attracted to...and there is nothing she can do about it. The conditions which shaped this biology is millions of years of being completely dependent on the male to protect her and her babies. No female animal has ever been more dependent on the male for her survival then the female human. The body strenght difference between male humans and females is astounding compared to other mammals, which proves how long this has been going on in our evolutionary history. So women are going to be automatiy attracted to the man who exudes self-confidence, leadership, power, and strength(usually expressed in intelligence and initiative) When you start resenting women for this...like liliuminterspinas does. YOu are fighting a losing battle. Change your own look out in life...just please don't resent women or accuse them of being masochistic.

You are so full of shit. As usual, you have everything turned around exactly backwards. You have deliberately misinterpreted everything I said, which is undoubtedly why your posts are so full of bullshit. Speak for yourself, not for others. I do not resent women - but I don't regard them as being perfect, either. They are every bit as human as men are, and have the same set of flaws and virtues. Just because someone says something doesn't make it true. If he really was a wimp, people have absolutely no trouble with saying that. Women who claim someone is "too nice" are simply trying to cover up their own flaws. And incidentally, your ignorance of biology is truly astounding. Male and female humans actually have far LESS difference, proportionately, than other primates. If you don't want to look like quite as much of a fool in the future, stop talking about things you know nothing about.

My nice guys were chumps. One let his business partner run all over him. At least twice a week, he'd in with some lame excuse and my guy would have to carry his load. He never said no. I got tired of watching him roll over for his buddy. Hard to respect that. Another allowed his ex-wife to demand a house they couldn't afford, then he was stuck with it after she walked out. He continues to let her push him around. I got tired of seeing him get used. A third had no opinions. He couldn't disgree with me or anyone else. He would just go along to get along. Milquetoast. I don't think you have only two choices, nice guy or asshole. Be your own man. Be nice but don't be a chump. Show that you have a backbone and command respect from those around you, even your women.

I felt this way when I first started dating my SO (x years ago)...I finally figured out that it wasn't that he was too nice, but he was WAY more into the relationship than I was and I wanted to take things slower. He told me he had been told by a lot of girls that he was "too nice" - I think it was code (for him atleast) for being a little smothering. Obviously I waited out the smothering, with a few weeks of distance, and am so lucky now - the smothering has really died down, but the thoughtfulness is still there. Maybe, don't come one too strong too fast? I don't know your situation, but that was my experience.

They don't want a very nice guy. They will just walk all over you or treat you like one of their female friends if you are too nice. You need to be assertive.

apparently, in Lexington, KY.