need advice I met a guy very attractive, professional and very down to earth or so I thought. We met through a mutual friend. We were very instantly attracted to each other. He had some baggage from ex-g/f issues. I did not. We became friends. But he took me out as on a date every time we went out. He will pay, and stuff. There was never any physical contact, but definately a lot of chemistry. Finally, I told him I was attracted to him and thought he was to me too. He never really said yes or no. Of course, I was humiliated and I have stopped ing him back or emailing him back. I thought if I was good enough to hang out, then perhaps, I was good enough to date. We stayed out of touch for x months. He ed me again and this time I went out with him again - dating sort of. I met his family, friends, and all thought we were a couple. still no physical not even a kiss but the atmosphere is becoming too weird for me. everybody in his life thinks we are going out and he does not correct them. He s me to go double dating with his friends, and would even tell me he does not want to go alone because they are couple, hence, I should go along with him. Finally I have had enough. I completely stopped returning his s or emails. Am I out of line? Did I read too much maybe he just wants to be a friend? But why am I "playing" the g/f if I am not good enough to become one? I love having friends but this is really annoying me a lot. I told him once, that my feelings/pride were hurt because he basiy rejected me when he knows me. I do not mind rejection if the person does not know me very well or like an ex b/f tells me why it will not work. I think the most hurtful to me is he never really say why he does not want to date me - he tries to pick others when I am around. I keep ending up with a lot of self doubt and always assuming the worst about me around him. my self esteem had plummated since I met him. but he knows me very well, still rejected me as a g/f material and still wants to use me as one socially. thank you for reading this long thread.

the time line is x months

Exactly....you have nothing to lose at this point because he's driving you half mad anyway. There could be a number of reasons for his behaviour....most guys at this point would have a least tried to kiss you if they were interested in you as a girlfriend. You said he had ex-issues. Perhaps his heart is still somewhere else and he is just trying to go through the motions of dating to get over her? Or like guyx said, he may just want to form a friendship first and then see how it goes......the old fashioned way. It IS pretty incredible to know and love someone as a friend for a long time and THEN have that first kiss - makes it all the more special. ASK HIM WHAT'S UP. You have the right to know.

You need to be more blunt after x months Look, I can understand the being coy or hurt from baggage and everything, but let's be real. x months is a long time AND you've already met the friends/family. If he's not going to be interested in you like that, then you've wasted enough time on him already. I would sit him down and have a serious talk about what you want, and ask him what he wants. Don't be coy. Say, "I like you, and I want you to be my boyfriend. Do you like me in a romantic sense? I need to know, because if you don't feel the same way about me as I feel about you, then I need to stop hoping you will feel that way and keep looking in my life for someone who will. I will always respect you as a person no matter what your answer, but I need to know the truth." I might also ask about the lack of physical contact. Some people are shy, and some want to save physical stuff for marriage. I actually know several guy friends who WAITED to lose their virginity until marriage, so it's not unheard of. But I also find it unusual that he has been dating you for x months and you have not even been kissed or had your hand held. He may like you, he may not.

thank you, however I am afraid of what he will say about me to our mutual friends,if I just drop him. I do not want to have a rumour of sore loser in my back. and I do not want to seem desperate for him. Also, even though he claims, his ex, is out of the picture, when he gets back to his home town; they sleep together. x times since I met him. The lack of physical aspect could be more about me because I am not interested in sex unless I am in a relationship. Do you think we could remain friends? and how can I explain my reservation as being the "g/f" in here socially and not getting the benefits. I do not mind being a friend. I do not want to be used like a coat for occassions that for a g/f. How can I say I do not want to be used like this because yes it misleads me without saying it exactly like that. in friendship, there should be no tension and also no misleading behaviours like paying for everything, massaging, and too much flirting. few clarification: he is not gay and I am not ugly (I am much more attractive than the ex. not that it matters) I am just confused. (we are both in xs but I am older than him by not much) writing this showed me how pathetic the situation is. thxx

Yeah, the second post made things clearer My first reaction would be that I wouldn't be too keen to be friends with a person like this, and my second reaction would be that if our mutual friends judged me based on what he told them... well they weren't really my friends to begin with. I would like to change my original advice... this guy is not available to be a boyfriend, and I would not be his pseudo-girlfriend anymore. Real boyfriend material is open to a new relationship and ready to let go of past relationships. Real boyfriend material doesn't play games. With real boyfriend material, you don't have to feel insecure and wonder if he likes you or not. Real boyfriend material makes it obvious. I would stop hanging out with him in situations that would seem like ambiguous dates. Like don't go to dinner and a movie with just the two of you together. I also wouldn't be going to see his family. I haven't ever met the parents of most of my friends, unless I've known them for years and years. And even though you say you want him as a friend, I would question his qualities that make him a good friend... because I'm not hearing too many of them. I might work on developing a new circle of friends.

Thanks Heidi you are a trooper! there is not good quality in friends with him. I was just worried what people think. like "oooh he did not like her so she gets pissed". However, I know at the end of the day, my self esteem is more important. to be quite frank with you. the fact he is still doing the ex while he dates other girls and keep the leash on me by misleading shows me there is a reason why nothing happened and never will. my subconscious was probably warning me about him. but you really put things into prespective. thanks

He is gay and you are his beard... Stop being used as a beard and work on finding someone who wants a relationship with you. BTDT!!! Being the Hag Fag is only going to get you hurt.

Just talk to him. You are not desparate if you bring up intimacy issues. You just want to know. As him if he considers you a girlfriend and if he likes to kiss his girlfriends. After all the dates you have had, it is not a "strange" or "desparate" question.

There's something in the way. I had a guy like this once, although it took me a lot less time to give up on him. We went out numerous times. The first date we had a passionate goodnite kiss. But he was busy executive and we didn't see each other often. Each time he went out he wined and dined me, but never more than a friendly kiss goodnight. I thought it was because we didn't see each other more frequently it was like every date was our first date and we just never progressed. But one night we went out and I finally got the full skinny. The whole time we had been dating he had been going back and forth with his "ex" girlfriend. That night he told me that it was over for good and that the ex was moving out of state. I told him to stuff it, but at least I finally understood what had been going on.