dealing with steps help! i will try to be brief: she is quiet and reserved, but very accepting, wanted more children, mild mannered, responsible and the sex was great! we got married, and for about six months it was still great. then she got pregnant. and right about the same time, i came home and the liquor was gone. i told her i suspected her son. my clothes ended up missing. found them in her son's closet. my dvd's went missing, and i found the empty cases in his room. he disconnected the dvd player and took it to his room. i told him to put it back. i found cigarettes in the trash, told her i suspected her son. thus far, my wife just shrugged her shoulders, and had no comment about all this, which frustrated me. i want the boy to learn respect and responsibility, and i think he gets away with everything. then we had the baby. and soon after i find used condoms in her son's room, and my tools that i thought were stolen, and more of my dvd's, and empty beer cans in his room. now i am mad and want action. the wife is pissed at me because how dare i look in his room. she tells her mother who is also pissed at me. needless to say, my wife is a stranger to me now. she does not talk to me much, sex is gone, and i am not invited to her family for the holidays. my wife says she would not have married me if she knew that i think it is okay to look in the ' room. but she does not want to end our marriage. she feels that need to be independent after age 13, and the adult should give advice only when asked. and punishment only causes rebellion. where i think the parent should maintain control over the ' room, and give them advice and guidance continuously, and independence is earned when they move out. i do not understand her way of thinking. she refuses to go to marriage therapy with me. what do i do? how do i get the commmunication going? how do i get her to accept me again?