Lesbianism in general Okay, I've never done anything like this before, and it's a pretty big step for me. I thought of myself as 100% straight until about two years ago. Ever since then my questions about sexuality have become louder and louder. Finally last night, I admitted to myself that I am most likely a lesbian. I gave myself 'permission' (so-to-speak) to begin exploring this relatively unfamiliar potential. Sure, I could do internet searches, read blogs of strangers, and browse wikipedia for hours. But I'd rather hear the first-hand testimonies of women from my own city. So tell me, What does it mean to be a lesbian? What was it like coming out? Was it DNA or decision that led you this way? Did you always know? What was your 'journey' in terms of sexuality and sexual orientation? What is different about dating girls vs. dating guys? Is it hard to ask girls out? I know that's a long list, and I STILL have questions, but I'll let it go for now... Anything you guys have to say would be most awesome! Tips are welcome too! Peace

can't answer; not in Eugene

¿por qué?

since i think flyingdogs has been temporarily chased away by her online stalker man, may i present you with the fo' attendant? Below you will see several conversations in progress. We these "Threads" Click on a line to read the body of text. If you want to reply to that post, click on the word "reply" Your reply will appear under the post three dots to the right. In this way, conversations can continue for days. It is different from chat rooms or IMing because many people only check the forum for a few minutes a day. This allows many of us at work to participate in conversations with fellow dykes/queer women without the forum being all-consuming. When you click "compose new thread" you are doing something ed "top-posting" If you're going to top-post, please do so only to start a new topic conversation. You are most welcome to participate in the conversations already in progress. Welcome! I'm sure everyone here has had their own coming out experiences, but I'm not sure if we have any posters from Eugene. Good luck!

Thanks, I guess I should clarify: I'm not trying to be metro-exclusive here, though I was hoping to get some info from women in my area. But by all means, if you have helpful insight, feel free to share. As far as top-posting goes, I was under the impression that I WAS starting a new topic. Anyways, I guess it doesn't matter where you're from on CL, since this has apparently become its own cyber community.

from Eugene was Bertha,as I re

Meh, I just knew. total no-brainer for me.

my DNA was twisted in a lovely rainbow double-helix. Mine really does look like the models in bio labs. Very cool. So, you see, I had no choice but to be gay gay GAY.

How would reading our answers be any different from reading books on coming out which contain stories from women about how they came out? Have you looked for a GLBT center in your city? Most centers have resources for the newly-out and questioning. They often have support groups where you could meet and talk to people. Centers often need volunteers which would be a good way for you to get involved in the community. I don't know how others feel about this, but the word "lesbianism" makes me cringe. The -ism suffix implies a belief or a practice, and my being queer is not part of a belief system or a lifestyle, it's just who I am.

the thing about coming out is that it's different for everybody, but kind of the same. and once a person has been out for awhile, it's pretty boring to tell, and not that central to one's identity, you know? but most of us were once just as !excited! as you are now, and that enthusiasm is cute, so enjoy your babydyke status while it lasts :-)

I don't think my coming out story is boring to tell, and I'm happy to share it with people who need perspective (i.e., the newly out and questioning) or with new friends who want to get to know me better. I just think there's more to it than a few paragraphs on a screen can adequately convey. Coming out was deffinitely a process for me, mixed with all kinds of emotions like being in love, being terrified, dealing with my internalized homophobia, fear of rejection when coming out to people, etc. Fortunately, I had a really good shrink who helped me through it. I don't know how I would have dealt with it all otherwise.

i'm sure your coming out story is fascinating i was just giving my perspective, in response to HarrietDVanes over-exuberant but (hopefully) sincerely-meant question. it wasn't a personal attack on anyone.

I didn't take it as an attack just throwing a diff perspective out there. And I do get your point too. Have you ever felt like straight people ask you your coming out story just because they feel it's the appropriate question to ask? "Oh you're gay? What was coming out like for you?"

because i spent so much time married to a man, pretty much everyone asks me, straight or gay. gay people are worse, actually - they're not uncomfortable with the subject. the more polite sometimes just leave that meaningful gap in the conversation (with raised eyebrow - "oh?") meh, i say. meh.

i have the letters......... all that ironing-on, though. meh.

I need that shirt but edited to say Meh. Blar.

Of course I was being sincere... Can one really have ulterior motives with questions like mine? But honestly, I'm sensing a tinge of hostility from some of you guys (Don't go getting your panties in a wad; it doesn't phase me). I just didn't know naivety was so offensive. One of the things I've always heard liberal-minded individuals talk about is how welcoming the LGBTQ community is. I appreciate the help that some of you have provided. But seriously, some of you need to stop sucking lemons--it's bad for your temperament.

you'll be needing to grow a thicker skin if you're gonna be a big ole queer. you asked a question, you got answers. maybe you didn't like all of the answers, but hey, this an internet forum, not a group of your best friends. and you asked very personal questions. i gave you a nice reply, as did flyonthewall, landonewts and silliness. some other answers weren't as nice, maybe, but i wouldn't them hostile. perhaps just not as excited as you are about the fact that you think you might be gay. that said, stick around! you can learn a lot and make good friends here! i know i have :-)

You should find many GLBT resources in Eugene When I lived in Eugene (xs-xs) there was a thriving queer community, and there likely still is. There should be GLBT resources at the University at least, and maybe at LCC too, so those would be good places to start. Lots of cool counselors and therapists in Eugene, too. If there is still a gay paper (used to be the "Lavendar Network"...?) you could check for support groups, activities, etc. PDX's "Just OUt" might even list stuff for Eugene, not sure. Also, Google is your friend. And just so you know, the responses you'll get in here depend as much on the day and what mood everyone's in as they do on your original post. Here's the short version of my coming-out story: I was always gay (tomboy, hated dolls and dresses, had a huge crush on my xth grade classmate who looked just like Kristy McNichol) ) and once I realized, at age x, that kissing women was not some far-flung dream, I was off and running. There were no visibly or out gay people in my neighborhood growing up, so it took a while, but it did take. Now I am happily gayer than gay.

Definitely cringe-worthy.

sounds like something you need prescription ointment for

that too.

hirsutism. albinism. priapism!!!!!!!!

Too many questions to answer in this kind of space. The answers would take years to provide. This is a big step, and you'll need more support and advice than we can provide here. Lots of books out there, and lots of support groups. Google "Lesbian and Gay" and "Eugene Oregon" to find a center or on-line forum that kind provide a starting place for resources. Good luck.

I don't know why somebody doesn't print up brochures: So You Think You're a Lesbian . . . I think you would be better off going the blogs/wikipedia/literature route. Your queries cover a huge amount of ground (I haven't had my DNA tested for gayness!), and these are really personal issues. In my opinion, you show a tendency to waaaay over-intellectualize things (or else you're doing research for a book). Give yourself permission to chill?

you're probably right.... I'll fuck off now.

that sounds like fun yet somehow I don't think it was meant in the way my hormones took it.

I've had a giant crush on Harriet Vane since reading all those books a million years ago. There, that's the short version of what it means :-)

lesbians in general....hummmm In response, I have always considered myself lesbian, since I was young, DNA, hummm I guess there is that question to consider, but it matters not, why I'm lesbian, I just try really hard to live my life without regrets, and respect those that might not get my need to be lesbian, because they might confuse my being lesbian with thier own crap...I'm old enough now to have played all the games, bitten a few bullets in my time and now just find the peace knowing that my happiness, and my relationship with those that care enough to sharehier happiness with me, is really all that I need to deal with when others around me would rather complain..Welome to the wonderful world of women and the pleasures they bring in more ways than one... Peace,