How happy that you married? It think the only reasons I want to marry is for occasional, and I mean occasional, companionship; someone to hold/touch at night; and someone to take care of me/vice versa as we get older. I'm only 36, so I'm perfectly content. So, I guess I'm not in a hurry/rush to marry. Plus, I don't want to give birth to my own children. Pregnancy doesn't look too glamorous, not to mention the birthing process. :) Anyway, I'm still wondering if I should take the plunge if the opportunity came my way now -- before I turn 40. Thoughts? Are there any other benefits of marriage? I just soooooo enjoy my own liveliness and worry that I will have to give that up. I don't want to give up even 1% of my happiness for someone else. I've worked too damn hard to be here in my life, and I only see it getting better. So, how does a man factor into this? Can someone who is a veteran married person chime in on this? THanks!

I'm very happy, but it sounds like you're pretty ambivalent about it. Don't do it unless your heart is really in it. It's not fair to your spouse.

Never, never, never get married as long as you feel the way you do right now. Check out the Divorce forum if you want a little taste of the down side of marriage, then hop on over to the Wedding Forum and see just what goes through some brides minds before the wedding. Scary stuff.

Wedfo is a scary place. But that type of insanity is usually temporary.

I don't feel insane... the thing I enjoy about wedfo is that there is someone outside of me and my FH that is EXCITED about the wedding. I mean, everyone is happy for us, but no one really wants to hear about it :)

I haven't peek in there for years, but I didn't mean to imply that everyone there was bridezilla. Good luck with your wedding!

I took no offense and there are some that are bridezilla's but I haven't seen many stick around long :) Thanks!!

That's a freaken crazy idea of marriage you have if I do say so myself. Can you tell us why you have to be less happy when you marry????? No offense -- but without knowing you at all, and never having met you, your idea of marriage is like a little bit of suicide.

Because it's the truth. You gain a lot if you are looking for companionship, emotional and sexual intimacy etc. But you WILL have to give up some kind of "happiness" from time to time. When I got married to my first husband he got transferred to another city just as I was about to start my dream job.....but we were married and he was making a lot more and I had to go.

that's why he was your first husband.... Read what Insidescoop wrote.

Not really. And while scoop's comment is very good it does not address the reality of merging two lives. It's ed compromise --- which by definition is that each side doesn't get x% of what they want. Thinking anything different is naive at best -- seriously deluding yourself at worst.

Just one word for you! PRINCESS!

You dont have to get married. Marriage, like children,the army or college, isn't for everyone. If you are fine and dandy then don't think you have to go get married for society or anyone other than yourself.

You sound kind of selfish And I recommend you do not get married, reglardless of age.

think what you want, but marriage shouldn't be a compromise of one's happiness. Either person's happiness. I think YOU have a misunderstanding. A marriage ought to be a union of two people who like each other enough to want to be with each other more than anyone else, and as a result love and care for each other's happiness. What did you think I meant? Well, it doesn't matter. We're strangers , so it might take awhile to go back and forth explaining each other's stances. Peace.

You are correct, and ahead of your time Most people just can't handle anything that is not traditional and conventional. I can tell you, from x decades of living, that by far the best arrangement is life as an unmarried couple with separate lives during the work week. It is I think the only way that BOTH people can realize their own potential and yet also maximize their happiness together. Marriage is misery for most people, and u would be wise to avoid it. keep in mind most people are staunch marriage supporters so it is a little like asking the tobacco industry if smoking is bad for you :)

i'm not married, but you stated " I don't want to give up even x% of my happiness for someone els" and that tells me you're either too selfish for a marriage right now because my ideal of relationships and marriage would be that there HAS to be some compromise sometimes because you are two different people that will have different moods at different times and you have to do your best to work with that for all the rest of the good things that marriage would offer like bonding with someone over all matters, having support, constant companionship and the ultimate decree of commitment.

good for u. Marriage is risky at best. So I'm older, male, different perspective entirely. Its normal and healthy to want to be togehter with someone. Yay humanity! Marriage is not normal and healthy, it's just a crazy institution from the days of crushing religion, tradition, lords and peasants, vassals and tithing, religious wars, breeding and suffering and ignorance. It was OK when everyone died by age x anyway.

lol....they died a little later than that...haha

birds can handle lifetime companionship they seem so less-demanding than we humans.

You don't sound like you're marriage material at this point. Enjoy being single....adopt a puppy or kitty that needs a home to cuddle with. Hire a nurse to care for you when you age.

giving up happiness How does the quote go? Something like, "a sorrow shared is half the sorrow, but a joy shared is twice the joy." I find that to be true most of the time. I'm very happily married xyrs to my DH, together xyrs. We are xyo and xyo. I'm also fiercely independent, and so is he. That's why it works so well. We do plenty together, communicate very well, and make a great team. But we also pursue individual activities and interests. We are NOT joined at the hip! You don't have to "give up" happiness when you marry. Just be sure to marry someone who won't suck your livelihood from you, instead, find someone who pursues and enjoys their OWN livelihood and happiness. That way, you both share in the other's. Double the joy.

Better yet, be an unmarried couple I am surprised more people don't figure this out. OK, granted, it took me x decades. But it's very simple. Be a couple with the right person but keep your own lives and identities and even own places to live most of the time. Get all the good things, and immunize yourself to all the bad things that come with full-blown Marriage The Institution. being an unmarried couple beats the pants off of married life. Trust me, I've done both. No way would I ever go back to Marriage.

marriage isn't for you. nothing wrong with that

some people just arent marriage material I think you are one of those people

ment for OP not you SBM

i am very independent but happy that i married it provides you with a second set of love, hopes, dreams, security, opportunities. i learned second language, have a home, a family, friends in/around europe when i married my husband. the beauty of marriage is you can choose/find someone who can bring greater value to your life(s) and experience (s). x+x=x. Still, as with anything of great value there also comes risk. c'est la vie, no?

don't get married until, instead of worrying that your happiness will decrease x%, you know beyond doubt that it will increase a hundredfold. Do NOT get married because you are in the neighborhood of x. If you DO get married, marry someone whose company is so fabulous you want it every night and day.

Get married when you feel like it. From your post, you don't. That's cool. Being married does not mean being subservient. My wife and I are both very independant types. Both of us were a bit hesitant at first because of this - we didn't want to give that up. It soon became apparent that we were on the same page though, we each compliment the other's life, we don't restrict each other. When (if) you meet the right person at the right time, etc., you'll know it. Until then (or if it doesn't happen), as long as you're happy single, stay that way. BTW: If you only want occasional companionship, you may do better with another person who wants the same thing. You meet up for vacations and/or an occasional weekend, but live your lives separately. Dating, but for years and only occasionally. :)