I'm losing a really important long-term relationship. One of my best friends. He and a couple other guys I met in college are all as close as family. Back when we all first met he started dating this girl who was way out of his league. A few years later she cheated on him. After that she asked for an open relationship. During the aftermath of this cheating and the beginning of their "open" relationship his mother died suddenly when he was in his mid-twenties. I think this screwed him up pretty bad. Now my friend is 5'10" and 330 lbs. He used to be an olympic class weight-lifter in college, but he's still a pretty stocky guy. As you can imagine he's not too good with the ladies. So his GF is the only one that benefits from this open relationship. She basiy gets to go out and enjoy the freedom of being single while he sits at home and doesn't realize he's being cuckolded. Me and my other friends have recently discovered that his GF slept with his life long best friend a few years back. This is a guy he's known for 3 decades. Little by little for the past few years he alienated himself from my group of friends. We think he's afraid of which one of us his GF will sleep with next. Meanwhile, instead of realizing she's bad news, and he's in a toxic relationship, she's managed to get him away from, and angry at the people who care about him the most. I don't know what to do. While I don't want to interfere, it hurts to see my friend going through so much pain and be trapped in this self-destructive cycle of depression and low self-esteem. I know he's not okay with the "open" status of his relationship, but I don't think he can do any better than his girlfriend. What should me and my friends, who have always loved this guy like family, do in this situation?

That last part should read he thinks he can't do any better than his girlfriend.

JUnfortunately, there's not much you can do It's just like when a girl is in an abusive relationship and everyone in the world advises her to get out and offers to help with anything in the world. She won't get out until she is ready If you all haven't talked to him already, you can try that and see if it goes anywhere. But, most likely, he will stay until he can't take anymore. You can also invite him out and have some ladies already lined up for the night. Hopefully, they will take interest in eachother and he too can benefit from the open relationship. Maybe he will even meet someone that he will forget about the old lady.

Just be his friend.. when he needs to talk. Be there when he needs some guy time. Maybe be the one who tells him straight when he needs to hear the truth. Just don't push him away. Be a good enough friend to know when he's heard enough for the time being. And maybe the idea of setting him up with somebody else a few times wouldn't be too bad of an idea either. Obviously he isn't too happy with the 300 lb thing going on. So encourage him to drop some weight and focus on himself a little..

We've tried all of this He's an amazingly strong guy. I think he doesn't want to lose that aspect of himself to weight loss, and that's his worry. He works a full time job, but still enjoys working weekends at night as a bouncer at the downtown clubs. It's funny, because he's helped a lot of his friends get into shape or build more muscle, and he himself majored in human performance in college, but I think he's living in a cycle of depression where he doesn't want to lose weight.

nothing I'm going through the same thing and the really suck ass thing is there is nothing you can do!! He is an adult and is making his own decisions. Just make sure he knows you'll be there when everything crumbles.

Nothing you can do Just keep talking to him and inviting him over for football or to go play pool or whatever it is you guys used to do together.

I'm idly wondering if you & your friends could stage a sort of group 'intervention,' along the lines of what desperate family members sometimes do with addicts. You could talk with each other about that possibility -- if it might be a good idea, how you would go about it, what his reaction might be.

I think we'd all like to do this but he's found ways to invent animosity, anger, and ill feelings towards almost every one of us. Our friendship has been more than a decade long. Now he looks at almost all of us as rivals. He refuses to see all but me and one other guy from our group of friends that is comprised of 7 guys total. Most times we get to see him his GF is around. When she's not, we broach the subject and see that it obviously upsets him that she just goes out and sleeps with everyone she wants to. We tell him we're there for him, but since he's got no family left, there's only two of us who can go to him and tell him we're worried about him and his behavior.

so have the two of you -- last friends standing -- talked about it with each other?

It sounds like your friend is heading for a breakdown. I don't know what can be done to prevent or minimize it, but the intervention idea sounds like a good one. It's too bad he gets angry when people who care about him try to stop him from driving off a cliff. He's in danger, mentally and physiy (this skank's going to bring something nasty home to him eventually) and needs help.

Thats a good suggestion CMR

I think that a lot of the things his friend is lacking can be built up, and once he has a taste of success (AWAY from the bitch that is ruining his life), it could be the start of something new. I know a guy who went to something ed "Outward Bound" a long time ago. It was some kind of wilderness survival / self reliance / self esteem building program that took place in Utah. I don't know if that kind of thing still exists, but it could be the life-changing event he needs to get through this.

There's a lot of those trips here in so CA

With all that's going on in the lives of all of us who are still close friends it'll be too hard to do that. There are a few who are single still but they have jobs and responsibilities that prevent them from doing that. Out of the x other guys who are really close, he only agrees to see or talk to me and one other guy, who both are married with kids.

I know you and your friend are busy, but this could be a major issue that will affect him and his future relationships for the rest of his life. I believe that if there's a will, there's a way. If he needs to take a leave of absence from his job to save his sanity, it will be worth it in the end.

Yeah, we want to do something like that for him But I think it'd be hard to get him away from her. His father left him when he was a little kid, and he's got no other family aside from his mom who passed away when he was really young. Since she passed away his GF has been the only one there for him.

Ummm ok.... Plain and simple if she asked for a open relationship, then it isnt cuckoldry. Original cuckolds didnt want it, and it was then flaunted in their face. Nowadays it has a different meaning, but he agreed to it. There are a lot of options to combating obesity. He has to accept his role and WANT to change. As for who she is screwing, that isnt your business. Im sorry, it just isnt. As for your friend being unhappy? It is up to him to do something about it. The most you can do is be supportive, but not his emotional sponge.

Who she's screwing is definitely none of my business. But to find out that she crossed the line of sleeping with his life long friend just further solidifies my opinion of her. You want to ask for an open relationship? Okay with me. Just make sure both parties know full well what they're getting into. He didn't know what he was getting into when she asked for the open relationship. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be alienated from his life long best friend if he had agreed from the outset that it was okay for her to sleep with him. I say he's basiy being cuckolded because he only agreed to the open relationship to keep her around. While he never goes out and enjoys being in an open relationship because he doesn't want to, he lets her do it just so she'll stay with him.

let's see..... "Who she's screwing is definitley none of my business" okay with that part... then (They) want an open relationship, "OKAY WITH ME." What part of none of your business do you not understand? Might try that reading comprehension thing yourself...

So says the pot to the kettle.

show me a post where I'm butting into the lives of people and saying I'm minding my own business.

Why waste the time. You choose to stay the same.

if you had one you would post it. That whole pot & kettle thing, it helps if it's the least bit relevant to a post. Wait, that's not your strong suit is it. Dax. Must. Be. Right. Always. you and next bowel movement here make quite the team. Not too much substance I'm afraid.

Whatever makes your day, WG. See, you need to look at the page. Look at it. Seriously, look at your posts. You are in dire need of medication and a lay. Get over the internet stalking, trolling, and general bad attitude against anyone that doesnt agree with your slanted and narrow-assed views. Homophobia not withstanding. I would post a link? Honey, I would just have to show you the last weeks worth of your own posts. But you are too narrow minded and frankly? I am doubting you have the emotional IQ to fathom growing up. You use the shield of the internet as a choice to bully. This is your only sad outlet. All you can do is swear at people when you have nothing else in your bag. You are fixated on drano for gods sake. I seriously hope one day you seek psychotherapy. And I mean heavily medicated psychotherapy. As for me being right? Try again. Better yet, dont. But my bowel movements being of intrest to you? Is just wrong to bring your fetish for cropophilia into this forum. But hey, I dont judge you. However you get your freak on...must be freaky.

next bowel movement was referring to the esteemed OP "thenextmovement." Wow, is EVERYTHING about you? As to the rest....yawn, big yawn.

Well, it is my universe.

aww am I on your neg list again? tsk.

Wait, OMG who am I? Do you want to accuse me of being someone else? Why don't you go and play "internet detective" some more and keep being obsessed with this place? Come on, who am I? Am I someone in hiding? Sfsis, poooxxx? Please provide more proof that you have no life. I love going back and forth with you. Wait a second, could I possibly be Hilter? An agent of the CIA? OMG, who am I? Who am I? Look, my profile says "guesss who"? Who am I? Quick, think up some cockamamy hypotheses about who I am. Quick, accuse me of being someone else on the website hiding and then try and post "evidence" that, with all your lack of a real life, you go through post by post coming up with. Quick, provide further proof you're absolutely nuts. This is fun.