All of the sudden leaving cross my mind My wife had a six month old Down Syndrome child prior to us meeting. Now, the child is three and the worst part is ahead of us. All our extra money is spent on caring for our toddler. I didn’t know what was involved when we started dating. I was only nineteen heading off to the army. We cannot do normal things like play ball or hang out. I’m thinking about leaving my wife and starting over. I work 50+ hours a week and never earn enough to pay all our bills. Besides, I want to go back to school and start a career. My head is telling me to leave. I’m only 22 and dropped out of school to support our family. I now bring up the ideal of going back to school, and my wife quickly gets upset because we cannot afford a reduction in my hours. I think leaving is my only option. What to do?

time to find the father as long as you stay uneducated you will continue working 50+ hours per week for low wages. With education you still work 50+ hours per week but your hourly rate is increased.

Life is Full of Challenges Admittedly this sounds difficult. However, there are always several possible solutions. Why is leaving the first one that comes to mind? Just because you are afraid of arguing if you suggest something else? Communication is the first step. Talk with your wife. Be honest with her about how overwhelmed you are.

Already had that discussion. I want to go back to school, wife claims the timing is bad. I am stuck paying the bills and after work I am exhausted but still make time for our family. The child's father comes around 1-2 times a month if lucky. He was court order to pay $25.00 a week. I got involved in this relationship to fast to soon.

Maybe the timing is bad Guess what, every adult I know is "stuck paying the bills." You will have bills and challenges all your life. Things get hard. You can run, or you can try to work it out. Having a discussion with her about school/ work changes one time is not sufficient to say "well, I tried." Here's a question for you: How are you ever going to afford school if you wind up splitting your assets in two if you divorce? She gets half of everything, if not more. Maybe you did get involved too fast, but the point is, now you are very involved. The way you handle this challenge will be very indicative of your true self. Running from commitments you have already made - how does that description make you feel? Is that how you want to be?

We have nothing to split. The timing will always be bad. I only want to reduce my hours to a 40 hour work week with plans on enrolling in 2 classes at a time. Why am I wrong? I spent a great part of our son's life supporting him. I need to do something for me or I am going to go crazy. I refuse to live the rest of my life working deadend jobs.

if you work more than 40 hours non of the online saturdya evening crap will work

you need to tell your wife to suck it up and go back to school. She can work too. Her kid need to be in early intervention progrm. she can get part time job

why isn't the military helping with your school? No matter why you left, that was one dumbass move. (Unless they "asked" you to leave?) They paid all your medical, would have paid for programs for the child, took care of housing..... And you leave, why did someone tell you what to do? You sound selfish and implusive, not to mention YOU are the retard in your house. Bet you use that word a lot with your friends, don't you? Yeah, it makes you a man. Get the fuck out of the house. Give everyone the Christmas they'll always remember. You, you have yourself a fine pity party. Table for one.

He didn't I did. Because I have a feeling that's what he s the child. Which is what I said in the post.

$x/week? I find that VERY hard to believe. The MINIMUM Indiana would do is like $x/week and that was x years ago. That was based on minimum wage. I would go back to court and get more money from him. Since its only been x.x years I am assuming you were booted from the military, as you were just getting in at the time you met her. Being booted from the military is hard as hell to do. If that is not the case, go back in the military, they will help with the kid, free medical, all that stuff. Then get some schooling while you are in, and put into whatever the college fund is they have now. and save every penny you can. When your stint is up, get out and go to school. Or, you can leave. Nowhere in your post do you say anything about loving your wife.

$x a week? What? that will not even ffed the child half a week to say nothing of clothes and a housing time to go back to court

Leave. Leave NOW that child deserves so much better than you. Follow your head as obviously you have no heart. Get the fuck away from that child.

I am with this....

I agree!! My brother and his SO had twins, both autistic, and it was SUPER STRESSFUL. The reason they DIDN'T want to break up was for the but ultimately, other issues that compounded with the stress broke them up. This poster is a prick. Please allow for her to find love and for a man who's willing to stand up and help be in her life.. and that of the child.

by all means don't let the love of an innocent, special, child get in the way of you leaving ... never mind the commitment to your wife. Asshat.

Well, you are kind of a fucktard. What to do? Well you should of thought of that BEFORE you stuck your dick in and created a child. (It is ed "birth control.) So now you want to ditch her and the kid. Lemme ask you this: What would you do if tomorrow you woke up to find that she was gone and the kid was your problem? (Yeah, even having to write it as "a problem" is pretty low the way you think.) So why the fuck would you do it to her? Stop pissing and moaning. Sit down with her and make a game plan. There are programs to help you with your child, you just have to research and find them. Dropping out of school was your big mistake. An education aids you more than it does to not have one at all. I presume you are working, inquire about climbing the ladder there and attending courses they will help pay for to their benefit. And sit down and make a realistic budget. You both don't need cellphones. You both don't need cable, etc. Learn to make your own food versus buying it pre-made or from the joint down the street x times a week. Life rarely works out the way you have planned. So get on to reality and plan realistiy. You have a child who depends on you. Be there for your child and for your WIFE. Man up.

Not his kid fwiw.

eh, I oopsed. But still He married her, ergo it is still his responsibility to care for both of them.

ummm ... not to excuse his fucktardedness... but he didn't create that child. The child was x months old when he married his wife. He refers to the child as his ... right before he talks about abandonning it

yup. *grabs knife and fork for crow pie* I somehow missed that blatant fact in the first sentence. *munches* (ooooo crunchy!)

meh ... it only makes it worse for the OP if that's possible ... he actually went into the situation knowing the child has special needs. For most parents, its unexpected.

He is still married to her and chose to marry with the full disclosure of having this child to care for.

Which is why I still say like I did in my above post that he is still responsible for caring for his family. He signed on knowing it wasn't a cake walk.

in the off chance that this isn't a troll post, i'm going to say: Man up, Nancy. why did you marry her if you weren't committed to her and her child? your age is no excuse in this situation. you should have thought about your post-military want for a career and going back to school prior to getting married. leaving isn't your "only option". your other options include: sitting down and having an ADULT conversation with your wife, finding a way to make this situation work in everyone's favor (warning! this option includes COMPROMISE), and thinking very hard about the fact that at this juncture in your life that your decisions no longer only affect you.

I think the major problem is my wife. I desire to get an education, but money is low. I am x% wrong in my thinking but, I keep thinking if I did not have to support a special need child my life will be easier.

the child's father should be supporting the child, NOT you. Does your wife work? or does she sit home and expect you to support everyone?

She works full time too. I don't mind supporting the child. I feel working all these hours and never getting ahead is crazy. If I could cut back on working and go back to school the stress in my life would be better.

Bullshit a few posts ago your life would be so much better if you didn't have a "specail needs" child to support. Not the overwhelming "oh dude, you poor guy, how could a woman saddle you with a defective child" that you wanted? You can't spin this pretty. Why isn't the military paying for your school?