Nothing is going on here, so I am curious about erections--like some guys have problems getting/maintaining them. Why is that? Once, many years ago, I went out with a guy in his early 30's who couldn't get it up. I was shallow and uncaring then, for the most part, and broke up with him before I ever knew why. Anyone know? Any men/SO's/DH's with this as an issue? How was/is it dealt with?

It can be related to Stress, diet, blood pressure, diabetes, or sometimes performance anxiety. DH and I have been through it... not often, but a few times. Enough to worry him and send him running to a doctor. Which he never ever does.... unless it has something to do with his pecker. Then he is on the phone making an appointment! Viagra is cool.

viagra is cool unless they want to go for twelve hours straight without even trying to get you in the mood and they are basiy forcing themselves upon anything that moves....i swear my EX SO would have humped my kneecap if I had not made him leave me alone. I think viagra is nice when needed but my experience with my ex made me annoyed. And i LOVE sex... weird i know

Did he eat the whole thing!!! LOL My DH cracked them in half..... I wouldn't be able to go for twelve hours.

I am pretty sure he did It was great for a while. Then three hours later I was to the point of needing to sleep for work. I made him go to the couch and told him to handle the rest himself. Maybe that was horrible of me but I did not sign up for a 12 hour sex marathon.

Happily CYM

I don't have that problem. My problem is premature ejaculation, which is related to stress and anxiety, I think. I can imagine that a man with different physiology would manifest their stress/anxiety issues in erectile dysfunction instead. But that's just my imagination. I don't have that problem.Have I mentioned I can get hard?

thai chi?

Yes, yes you have pooxxx ;)

I have a theory that the problem will go away If we have a lot more sex. Weekly don't cut it. Twice weekly don't cut it. I'm thinking daily or every other day, at the least. I'm trying to get buy-in on the theory though, and it's not going anywhere yet.

I'm thinking twice daily is the best theory to have.

So is it bullshit when I hear that if a man wants to cum too soon, he will start thinking about non sexual things to stop him from exploding.... guess it is fiction then, huh?

I've tried it It's bought me another minute or two, sure. But it also associated orgasms with bleeding decapitated babies. Or baseball. Or old ladies. Or her mother. Generally not a good association to make. It's a bad approach.

I was just wondering....

Innocent Question If x% of women (as quoted by the Canadian Sexpert Lady) don't have orgasms thru intercourse alone (or intercourse, period?) does it really matter how long the guy lasts? I mean, if she's already gotten her's beforehand (or gonna get her's afterward), should anyone care if he goes ONE minute, or TWENTY minutes?

It depends on what happens after. If after orgasm, you turn the attention to her pleasure by going down on her, or fingering her, or doing whatever turns her on, then yeah, I guess it shouldn't matter. But in our case it's a problem. SHE thinks we're DONE when I'm done. I can't break her from that thinking. Partly because, I hate to admit it, my level of interest really does plummet immediately afterwards. I try to stay interested, but I get hungry. Or the game is on. Or a cat wants to come inside. She doesn't want to be a bitch and demand to be satisfied, and she doesn't like the pressure of being the center of attention anyway. It's an ugly scene. Things work better if she comes first, then me. Or at the same time.

Sexual ADD, lol.

Then why don't you just stick with whatever works? Her first, then you, and it shouldn't matter. Sometimes I think guys just give themselves shit about not lasting, even though it may not even matter. Just like penis size - there's nothing you can do about it, so why worry and/or compare yourself to others?

I think I can control it. I just haven't figured out how to yet. The issue has the effect of putting her in exclusive control over our sex life. If I just go with it, then she controls when we have it, how often we have it, where we have it, and what we do. Sure, she lets me grab her and throw her down and have my way sometimes, and that's nice, but even then there's a moment where she allows it. I'm feeling frustrated right now because I've been sick and she's been busy and we haven't touched each other in almost x weeks. It's asymmetrical. I'd really like to be more assertive and or seductive. I want to stimulate arousal in her and guide her stimulation and her orgasm, like she can do to me, but our respective arousal curves (and our long memories and psychological baggage) makes it difficult.

Way too much overthinking, sir again - why not just go with what you know works? You can have the fun leading up to it, but when it comes down to satisfaction, go with the sure thing.

Because it doesn't work! I want a woman to look me across the pillow and say, "you were AMAZING." That ain't happening. Even at its best.

You think lasting longer will cure that? I also don't think you're going to get that when you've been in a relationship a long time. "You were AMAZING" usually happens in the "learning about each other" stage, not the "old married folks" stage. Sorry to burst your bubble.

ask my wife about that one She'll tell you a different story. We still have "you were amazing" sex. We don't do it as often as some, maybe twice a week...but when we do it's earth-shattering. It look a lot of work on my part to get there, though. I wasn't born a sex machine. I had to work at it.

I guess I stand corrected I guess i thought it would be due to the newness and exploration and all those crazy phermones in the beginning.

yes, I do think it will cure it actually Not because I think the short duration is the CAUSE for the lack of "you were AMAZING." I think it's two problems with a common cause: stress, anxiety and lack of confidence. Build the former, the other two will both happen naturally. That's why a massive increase in the frequency is required. It needs to feel less "special" each time, so the pressure goes down and we have more freedom to experiment.

*chuckle* I can hear the Man-Speech now: "Honey, I think in order to fix this problem, we need to have A LOT more sex..." Sounds like a line :-)

I used EXACTLY that line And she agreed with it! Totally! x% She was THERE. But in actuality, nothing has changed. She's had a busy work and she means well, but it doesn't happen. I try to gently remind her of it WITHOUT seeming like she owes me more, and WITHOUT seeming like it's some kind of duty she's not performing. We'll see how the summer goes.

No, because The scent of alcohol on the breath turns her off. I'm applying gentle peer pressure in that department too, though, and it will change eventually, hopefully.

Yeah i don't drink at all. Alcohol makes me want to vomit. Seriously, guy_x had me taste a Mikes Hard lemonade and i started coughing and heaving. So I can imagine how hard it would be to have to smell it the whole time I was trying to have sex. Know how you don't want to associate orgasms with decapitated babies? Who wants to associate sex with vomiting? Not me!!